Comments on: Is hate too strong a word?

By: John

John — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:34:38 +0000

Today has been a much better day. I wonder if part of my problem lately (in addition to the things already pointed out) is that we haven’t been out much lately. We had our first family outing in months last night. It was my nephew’s birthday party (the sixth family birthday since mid-September).

It was kinda/sorta against doctor’s orders (my white blood cell count is still low – so parties are supposed to be out), but I think it was good for the soul, if not for the body.

It is so hard to take it easy on myself, both emotionally and physically, but I’m trying. I’ve always been a quiet person, so I think it requires more effort for me to keep communication lines open… but here too, I’m trying.

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words of encouragement. It means a lot to me.

By: Richard

Richard — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 13:03:12 +0000

John… This post breaks my heart, too But please forgive yourself.

I agree with Colleen about trying to keep the lines of communication open. I volunteered at both an adult and child help line for a time, and we focused a great deal of on simply giving people the permission to talk. About anything. It was about always being there to listen, without judgement. If someone was talking about overwhelming sadness, you’d ask if they’re thinking about ending his or her life. By asking the question, you’re giving each person the permission to talk.

So talk, ask questions. Even the ones you may know the answers to. Give her permission to talk to you, about the things in her life, and some things in your life.

I know you know all this. Kids are smarter than we think. They understand anger and frustration, for they feel it too. Let her know how much you love her, let her know that you will always have a safe place for her, tell her that you’d willing give up everything you have, everything you own, to help her and protect her. That she matters more to you than anything. Tell her that you think she’s strong and brave and capable.

And tell her that when you get angry, the anger doesn’t last. It falls off you almost immediately, and is gone, leaving behind a shiny love that never diminishes. That frustration causes anger, and your frustration comes from wanting the best for her.

By: Becca

Becca — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 17:47:16 +0000

Yes, hate is too strong a word, but I understand what you are saying completely. That’s gotta be something we all wish for, to be the parent we thought we would be, the parent we wish we were…all I can do is hope his therapy isn’t too expensive when he’s older and swear to do better next time.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 01:49:32 +0000

In a perfect world we’d all be… perfect.

I am the most flawed parent I know yet my kids still love me. The one good thing I do is to try to keep the lines of communication open and let them tell me how they feel whenever I make them mad or whatever. It bonds us — they like being able to express themselves knowing I won’t blow up.

Maybe being imperfect has an upside.