When we were four Originally uploaded by jkauffman Once again my father has upstaged me in our computer arms race. It seems that every time I buy a computer he buys a better one. To be fair, our replacement cycles are similarly modest, he earns more money, and his computing needs are more robust… but come on dad! Give a nerd a break. Well this time he didn’t get another computer – he just got the film scanner I’ve been lusting. (Not really a dedicated film scanner, but a mid-range flatbed with a transparency adapter for serviceable, if not perfect [...]
mom
Stray comment
I was having a good day. Everything was fine until I heard one stray comment. Do you have days like this? Can one or two sentences ruin it for you? I wish I could say I have the self assurance to shrug off what other people think and say, but it’s not me. Not at all. It sticks with me. It burrows and churns through my mind, infecting everything that follows. “I don’t get it. This guy supposedly can’t work because he’s got bipolar disorder? What kind of bullshit is that?” This was an opportunity to intervene. I could have [...]
Absentia
More than a year ago my mother was committed to the state hospital, three hundred miles away. She hasn’t gotten any better. The last news I heard from the staff was they were going to try stopping all her meds and start over from scratch. The options are somewhat limited because the medication that worked (for a long time) just about destroyed her kidneys. Before she was shipped off to the state hospital she spent time at a local, short term facility. In between stints there she spent time at an assisted living facility. When you add it all up, [...]
My mother’s day
There was a long time when I couldn’t get over feeling angry with my mother (like she had some choice in this). I was angry that she wasn’t like everyone else’s mom. I was angry that she made all of us different by association. I was angry that middle and high school were really hard – in part – because she was so different (and because I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for myself, or her). I was angry because the last year (or so) of hospitalizations, psychiatrists, and pharmaceutical shots in the dark have been a living hell [...]
Six month review
There’s a Judge in this Judicial Circuit I think might be a few bricks shy of a wall (the ones on the bottom… that make it stable). I can’t tell you why due to agency policy about discussing work in public forums. It says I can’t. But imagine my surprise when I looked at the original order of comitment for my mother (when she was shipped off to the state hospital) and saw a familiar name. When I got over the irony, it reminded me how important our Judiciary is – as if it’s not already obvious. (Not that I [...]
Not free
Every now and again I sit down with my PowerBook and an entry for this blog almost writes itself. It doesn’t happen very often, but it’s a rush when it does. This entry was not one of them. I’ve sat down half a dozen times, trying to get this one out, but it just won’t go. Maybe I’ve just got to practice some tough love. Maybe it’s time to kick it out the door and let it sink or swim. — I learned a few things this weekend. The state hospital in Chattahoochee is a BIG place. Think college campus [...]
I’m goin’ up to Tally
I’m making the drive up to the State Hospital in Chatahoochee to see my mother this weekend. I’m not worried that the 12 hours in a car will do me much harm, but the exposure to germs gives me pause. Still, it’s been five months since I’ve seen my mother. I simply can’t stay away any longer. I haven’t checked the weather yet, but it could be interesting. Chatahoochee is practically on the “mainland” (considering Florida is like a giant sandbar). There’s a lot of cold air that doesn’t make this far south (with the warming effect of the Gulf [...]
Bad signs
Those are the kind of signs I don’t like too much… but who does? (Sometimes I think I just sit here and type shit, just for the sake of typing. Although, I’m getting to like this funky iMac keyboard, so there are worse things I could be doing that typing crap for the sake of typing.) Dad’s making the drive to Chattahoochee for the first time this weekend. I thought I might go, but Cheryl thinks it’d be a bad idea, what with me being sick this week (again). To be fair, I can’t lay it all on Cheryl. I [...]
Before the game
Putting aside this evening, which was a total loss, today was a pretty good day. The latest round of steroids and antibiotics gave me a bit of a reprieve from sinus pain. Dad came over for a nice dinner. Afterwards we sat around the table sipping a dessert wine, just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. The evening was even better, considering the set back we had on Thursday. My mother was sent off to the state mental hospital in north Florida. Some of you may not realize how big Florida is. Despite living almost right smack in the [...]
Mom
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about my mother, but it hasn’t been because nothing’s happening. I just don’t know what to say, or if I want to say it. That makes it sound kind of bad, but it isn’t; not really anyway. The second sudden recovery came and went, but it was encouraging in that she didn’t lapse back quite as far as she had been. They haven’t needed to send her back to the hospital for fluids or medication, so that’s been good. However, they did have the Baker Act hearing for the involuntary six month [...]
