I keep records. They’re not the vinyl kind. Those I might be able to sell on eBay. Oh, if only I had that Michael Jackson album I got as a gift when I was a kid. It would probably be in mint condition – possibly never touched by a needle. No, these are the boring kind of records – not that Michael Jackson was a… No, I just can’t do it. It’s just too easy. It’s a corn dog dipped in corn syrup with popcorn. (Maybe that’s a little too corny.) … Thriller for me. Ack! Someone stop me before [...]
Going for Broke
The first showing?
I elected to stay home from work today, but I find myself around the corner at a coffee shop. It’s nine-thirty a.m., do you know where you realtor is? Actually, mine’s off the hook this morning – someone else was supposed to be showing the house. But I’m sitting here, monitoring my email, waiting for that message that’s supposed to come when someone has activated the lock box at the house. I’m freakishly tired. By that I mean Jesus, the holy roller himself, could sit down beside me and ask (rhetorically) how church has been, and I’m not sure I’d [...]
For sale, but for how long?
It’s another surprisingly dry, cool day in west-central Florida. I’m sitting out on the front porch admiring the newly installed lock box on our front door. Now any properly equipped realtor can get into our house. Cool or creepy? An electronic key activates the box, which drops the keys out of the bottom and fires off an email alerting us someone has shown the house. I think it’s pretty slick. By the way, if you know anyone who’s interested in a charming three bedroom, two bath house in Florida that’s close to some of the country’s best beaches (but not [...]
For Sale
You’ve heard a picture is worth a thousand words, but have you ever considered words can have infinite meaning? It’s the beauty of language; this thing our gray matter dreamed up to communicate. It’s so complex it’s a wonder we can keep it straight, and it explains why so many of us have trouble capturing its intricacies in print. Just the words “for sale” can mean several things to different people, depending on context, inflection, or tone. They can explain one’s principles or one’s property, their meaning completely different. They can conjure countless stories from your imagination: like the broken [...]
I was an amateur plumber
I was tired of sinks and drains backing up. I was ready to replace two inefficient faucets that started to leak. I wasn’t ready to pay a plumber two bills for a twenty dollar faucet and a quick clog job on two partially blocked drains. So I went to Home Depot. I didn’t find what I wanted. So I went to Lowes. I picked up a couple faucets and a drain snake/auger. I would’ve picked up a stronger stomach too, but they were on back order. The faucets went in without too much trouble, but the shower drain was more [...]
Never
No, I should really know better. When Cheryl and I moved here from Orlando we lived with her parents until we could find a place for ourselves. For almost as long as we’ve had a place of our own, Cheryl has been keeping an eye out for a place we could share with her parents. Every time she’s proposed a place my answer was very simple. NO. I’ve never wavered. Every time I’ve lived with someone besides my immediate family, I’ve never quite felt comfortable. Even when I’ve paid a share of the rent, part of me felt like an [...]
To the mattresses
Has a plunger ever given you blisters? This evening I exercised my power to make (if not officially declare) war, as chief executive of the Kauffman House, and commander-in-chief of the household tools. We’ve been involved in the occasional skirmish for years, but this evening our toilet struck a surprise, vicious blow, leaving me little choice but to fully engage the enemy. Armed with a plunger, resolve, and a really bad temper, I fought long and hard. I put up a good fight, but in was in vain. While the enemy’s blood covered the field of battle, it won this [...]
It’s an IKEA world
Note: the opinions expressed or implied in this post do not necessarily reflect those of the author, or the individuals described herein. The events are dead on though. IKEA came to town six months ago. A month after it opened, we drove over the bridge to see if reality recognized hype in the mirror. We got a sense of the hype and a smidge of the reality, but we never got out of the car. The Tampa police closed the parking lot (it was full). People were parking along the side of the highway. Folks were leaving their cars a [...]
Saving money in the wrong places
There are some lines I won’t cross on this blog. Don’t you laugh. I’ll find you. I’m not going to elaborate, not that it’ll be necessary. I think your imagination will fill in capably. I’ve decided not to save money on toilet paper anymore. I say that now, but just you wait. A few years from now I’ll be reposting this entry, complaining about how rough it is out there.
What customer?
“What about our shareholders Bob? Who’s looking out for them?” – The Incredibles You know me. I love insurance. I love it so much I bought a bunch of it. We’re like that ice cream place that brags about all the flavors they’ve got. It’s a good thing too, because it’s coming in handy after Cheryl’s accident. I know what you’re thinking, or I think I do. Well, maybe it’s just a hunch. Yeah, better call it a guess. I’ve been off my game lately. I’ll bet you’re a little suspicious, waiting for the switch to go with my bait. [...]
