This is me. This is not me. This is who I’d be if I could be me without fear. I’ve often wanted to talk about work in this space because it’s such a big part of my life – possibly too big. There are three important things in my life: my family, work, and you. This poses several problems. You’ll notice there’s a big hole in that group. Nowhere do I mention friends. There’s no such thing in my life independent of these three groups. My only friends are my family, my co-workers, and you. Not everyone can count their [...]
Wellbeing
All this time
A few months ago I reached a relatively low point in my life. I wasn’t dying, starving, lonely, unemployed, or bankrupt so I use the word low lightly. I visited my psychiatrist six weeks ago. (I’m not ashamed to admit it, I have one of those.) After the last few years chatting with me, even she was a little concerned by my appearance. My sleep situation was worse than ever. I was sleeping between 10 – 13 hours a night with naps in between, possibly 15 hours a day all told, yet I felt like I’d got none (or very [...]
Life and cream soda
My Lightning lost game seven to the team of my youth. I’d like to introduce Chara’s long stick to his large intestine as much as the next Lightning fan, because Florida is my home now. When I say I’m going home, I’m always referring to Dunedin, not Boston or Billerica. It took a long time for this place to become home. We moved from a neighborhood of young families and friends to a less than half developed, walled in compound in a remote corner of God’s waiting room. (In case you were wondering, compound is a term of affection, referring [...]
Vindication
It’s not the kind of vindication I wanted. Some of us go through life deluding ourselves that our experiences are wholly unique. We experience an accident or fall victim to illness and we believe we are alone. We are not alone, but we don’t know it. Maybe it’s because we’re unique among our peers, where our physical and mental injuries are concerned. The internet makes the world a little smaller but it doesn’t necessarily change the way we feel about ourselves, or how others feel about us. Cheryl is often tired. I don’t deny it. She has a hard job [...]
In the UF years
People romanticize snippets of the past and I’m no different. If you listen to me talk about my UF years, you’d think: 1. I got straight As.* 2. I spent four years in Gainesville with Cheryl, a time overflowing with love, joy, learning, and fulfillment. 3. Ambrosia came with every meal. They only had enough to serve it as a side though.** 4. Classmates followed me on campus, collecting things my feet had trod. 5. Steve Spurrier begged me daily to join the team and solve his dreadful kicking game.*** 6. I reigned over the Florida Gym like I was [...]
Good heart, bad heartburn
Good news people! Come on, how often to you hear those words come from my lips? I’m the human downer. Women shield their children’s eyes and run screaming the other way when they see me coming. That’s a true story by the way (no it isn’t). This morning, minutes before I typed this in fact (but after I called Cheryl – can’t have the wife thinking I love my blog more than her), I learned my echocardiogram was normal. You combine that with the results of my stress/nuclear medicine test and it seems my heart is healthy and strong. It [...]
News from the front
As some of you may know, yesterday was my nuclear enhanced stress test and echocardiogram – or what will forevermore be known as, “the day my legs died.” From a layman’s perspective, it seemed my heart was working even though I’m in terrible shape, My legs were killing me as I kept going and going on the damn treadmill, waiting for my heart rate to reach the target zone. “Ok John, in ten seconds I’m raising the incline and speed again so be ready.” “Ok John, you’re holding steady at 140. We need to get to at least 153.” “His [...]
He laughed
Do want to hear something funny? Who doesn’t, that’s what I wanna know? It’s not human. It’s un-frigging-American! But enough already. It seems I may have heart disease. Did you bust your gut? Maybe blow a few rivets? You gotta hand it to my body. It’s a regular… well… some comedian who’s really funny. There are five-year-olds who deal with worse better than I do with less. That said, I thought it would be cool to run through my medical menu of malady. I’m 39. I take medication to (somewhat) control depression. I have a sleep disorder which keeps me [...]
One year
On this day, one year ago, I learned my leukemia was not in remission anymore. The disease I think about every day anyway, was back on active duty. But you know what? The numbers from blood tests the docs look at to determine when it’s time to start chemotherapy haven’t changed since then. The disease remains better than the cure, so I continue to wait. My red blood cell count, along with my hemoglobin has been a little low – but not drastically. One kind of white blood cell, my lymphocytes (those B cells and T cells everyone talks about) [...]
Piles of life
Like many of my posts, I wrote the lion’s share of this one some time ago. I was inspired to polish and post it by a friend’s recent, much better post. Let me tell you a little something you may not know about sinusitis. I do not like sinusitis. I do not like it with a nose. I do not like it when it blows. I do not like it in my head. I do not like it lying in a bed. It’s been one of those… oh hell, I can’t think of what to call it. “Three month stretch” [...]
