I hope I don’t offend many of you with this one. As you read it, please know I realize it only takes a few bad apples to sour one’s experience, and I’m trying not to paint with too broad a brush. Like they say in so many movie break-ups, “it’s not you, it’s me.” Unlike the movies, I hope I sound genuine. – – – Protestant boy meets good Catholic girl: it’s a classic story repeated through the ages. Or not, exactly. Cheryl and I went to church regularly growing up and as young adults, but she went to The [...]
Wellbeing
I did not know that
In April it will be three years since I was diagnosed with leukemia, and I still don’t know my Doctor’s diagnosis. Oh wait, it is April isn’t it? You’ve heard me say “Hairy Cell Leukemia,” but that’s the common name, a nickname. At least I hoped it was. What self respecting disease refers to itself as hairy? Surely there was an important, scary sounding scientific name. More importantly, I wanted to know what my oncologist tells my insurance company. I mean, that’s what makes it official, right? I ask you: if a man gets sick in the woods and no [...]
Losing my words
Have you ever lost a word? Most of us have. Do you know what Dysnomia is? I did, but I had to look it up to make sure. Don’t be too impressed though. It was kind of my area of study in school, and we’re talking recognition memory all the way here. I couldn’t recall it to save my temporal lobes. Well, A few weeks ago I started misplacing words everywhere I went, and it was pretty damn hard to write. This is the story of how it came to pass. Eventually I’ll even tell you what the hell Disnomia [...]
Digging for pain and finding a vein
Whining about your dentist is a blogging stapple. Lucky for you, I’m pro-staple. “Are you ok?” This is the great rhetorical dental question of our time. I love it. No offense to any women dentists out there, but this is the point in the post where I pretend to be something I’m not, and slip into the vernacular of the “real man.” I love it because I think it takes some real stones to ask it. Sure, you’re lying prone with sharp – and often powered equipment in your mouth – but they don’t know you from the criminally insane. [...]
Irresistible forces
Once again it’s cookie season. It’s that time when a clandestine organization spreads out, from sea to shining sea, bringing seemingly innocuous treats to the masses. The organization, code name: “The Girl Scouts,” prey on an unsuspecting public with sweet faces and sweet treats. But there’s a dark side to their mission: addiction and control. You see, they may seem like ordinary cookies, but the truth is they’re much more. These “Girl Scouts” cast their cookies like a fishing line, waiting patiently for a hook to set. Like nicotine, heroin, or crack, the unsuspecting public are quickly helpless against the [...]
The regrettable application of long term memory
Have you ever forgotten what it was like to feel good? I’m almost there. I almost have to flip the calendar to find that last, blissful day. The worst part of it all is it may be self inflicted. “Wait a second, how is a cold self inflicted?” Kudos to me for such a good question. My daughter inherited my gift for interrogation, but that’s another story. The cold started innocently enough: a few sniffles here, a few coughs there. For those of us familiar with allergies and sinuses more concerned with mucous production than breathing, this is nothing new. [...]
Is it paranoia if your appliances really are out to get you?
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our detergent.” – Epictetus, Greek philosopher (AD 55 – 135) – disputed, alternate translation from the original text Cheryl really wanted me to write this post. “John, you’ve got to blog about this.” See, I told you. “Why don’t you write about it?” I replied. “It’s not my blog.” “So, I could set you up as another author. It could be our blog.” “But I’m not funny.” “Wait. You think my posts are funny?” “Well, not all of them. [...]
Medicated me
This is how medicine works for me. Last month (around the time I was living in the attic) I found a treatment that seemed to work. In this case I slept… all night… really well. The next day I felt great, except for a nagging ache in my right shoulder and tingling feeling radiating down my arm into my hand (like it went to sleep). I called my doctor’s office and they said, “you need to stop taking (that drug) immediately.” According to The AMA Guide to Liability Mitigation, Twenty-Eighth Edition (Revised), this phrase is reserved for those circumstances when [...]
Gators in a close one
I’m used to UF winning football games, but not by three points, and definitely not with less than 15 seconds left on the clock. I needed that like I need elective oral surgery. Why do we do this to ourselves? I tell people I’m not the biggest sports fan, that my life doesn’t wax and wane on the outcome of a game. I prefer to think of it as a half-truth rather than half-lie. Come to think of it, I can’t recall the last time someone said “half-lie.” Why is that? Don’t tell me everyone else is as delusional as [...]
Status
It’s not as bad as it sounds, or will sound (if you can make any sense of it). This week I’ve been sick (again/still – pick your adverb) and between medications. I’ve been weening myself from caffeine, on doctor’s orders, and I’m suffering the consequences. My meds of choice for headache are no longer part of the arsenal – due to the caffeine, so I’m doubly screwed. The doctor who recommended I stop the caffeine (not all at once) said I should go see my primary about my headache medication, and like an idiot I didn’t rouse myself to do [...]
