site stats
Being Myself Rotating Header Image

No complaints

Woo hoo! That’s a good one! Just because I’m not going to use this post to whine doesn’t mean I’ve got no complaints.

I promise you though – I won’t go there today. Today I want to cheer myself up as much as anything.

I do this with full knowledge of the consequences: this will be a boring post. Ask the news director at your local television station. Misery, desperation and destruction sells! You show me a local news program that leads with a story about a local kid’s puppy finding his way home to Kansas, after being dog-napped in Kalamazoo, and I’ll show you a local news director who doesn’t care about being employed.

I won’t be discussing puppies or their heroism, but I will be discussing kids – mine in fact. Both seem to be blossoming this year in school, and not just academically.

Beth took a test last spring to determine which materials the school would order for her this year. She’s in ninth grade, for those of you keeping score. It’s traditionally known as the first year of high school ’round these parts. It’s the freshman year, or the year of feeling REALLY young. You may recall she attends a small private school due the social problems she had in public school, attributed to high functioning Autism (or Aspergers). The classes are small, have mixed grades, and are self paced – thus the need for personalized materials. We learned how she did on the test in August.

Beth essentially tested out of high school before she started. As a result (in part), she got involved in some extra curricular activities to keep school interesting this year. She decided she’d like to work on the yearbook. The teacher who oversees the group said she’d be assigned tasks according to her strengths. If you know Beth you know she wasn’t satisfied with such an open ended statement. So she pressed. “Oh, we’ll probably have you doing a bit of everything.” She was recently asked to attend a sports event to take photographs. She thought it was the coolest thing since the penguin experience at Sea World.

She’s been volunteering at the YMCA one day a week and attending drama club another. (Like we need more drama in our lives.) This spring she’ll be taking the entrance exams necessary to take dual enrollment courses at a local college starting next year.

Discussions at home have been filled with university degree programs and the prerequisites she’ll start taking next year. It seems like just last year she was in middle school and now we’re talking about her starting college.

They grow up fast!

Meanwhile Adam’s been coming home with tests for me to sign, and I can’t recall the last one I saw with a wrong answer. He’s been an information sponge that never seems to fully saturate.

He joined Cub Scouts this year – something I’m not completely happy about. He desperately wanted to join and I wasn’t sure how to explain discrimination based on sexual preference to my precious, sweet little boy. I know it can’t last forever, but the loss of childhood innocence is a door you can’t close – and I don’t want to open it yet – not if I can help it. He’s smart enough to know not everyone is perfect, and the world as a whole is similarly flawed. But living out in it gives us a deeper knowledge I can’t bring myself to share. However, the emphasis on community service complements his kind soul, and he’s having a great time.

Maybe the best thing is they both still want to spend time with their dad. Adam still pines for “a catch,” the American ritual of father and son throwing a baseball across the back yard. When I think about it (and sometimes I think about things far too much), I’m awestruck that such a simple thing as a baseball passed back and forth can seem so important. It’s almost as if it’s a bonding ritual written into our DNA, designed to be hard wired into the areas of the brain where love, nurturing, and long term memories reside.

I remember dismissing such things as a parent in waiting.

Were we all such fools when we were young?

Beth still seeks my opinion on a wide range of issues and accomplishments. Apparently she still thinks I know things. Were we all such fools when we were young ;-) She is a teenager, isn’t she? Doesn’t she know parents stop knowing things when their kids reach thirteen?

If Cheryl didn’t intervene with trivial matters like, “Beth, you need to get some sleep tonight,” or “Beth, the house is on fire, you really should get out,” we’d talk for hours. The only thing larger than my self-doubt is her curiosity and confidence in my words. Recently she wanted to know if she should be afraid about overpopulation and diminishing world resources. That was an especially long conversation, meandering between light topics like the environment, climate change, and population dynamics across the social-economic spectrum.

Long story short: I’m happy to report the kids are more than fine. They’re pretty great.

This one’s gonna be trouble

I know. It’s hard to believe for some of you, but Adam does get into trouble. This evening I had to take Adam’s TV privileges away. That’s what we parents like to say. I had to take the little devil’s TV. He had it coming and I had to deliver. Parents are like the post office that way. Neither tears nor sympathy nor full throttle tantrum shall keep us from our appointed role.

Saying I “had to do it,” is anesthesia for the conscience.

I take that back. Saying is not believing. You have to believe it. Your sanity depends on it.

Anyhoo, I took his TV away.

Adam apparently is an attorney in waiting. He’s following the letter of my ruling – if not the spirit.

He’s watching Netflix on his iPod.

Elegance begets elegance

Steve Jobs blogMany great pieces will be written about Steve Jobs today, as his death becomes widely known while people watch or listen to the morning news. At least a few (if not many) will probably hit upon some of these thoughts, my thoughts.

Many things have inspired me. Some are obvious: my wife, my kids, my friends, my passions, my pains. Others aren’t quite so obvious, like the feel of a seemingly perfect pen gracefully marking seemingly perfect paper, as if my very soul was flowing through the tip. An outstanding piece a friend wrote late yesterday inspired me to write this post. It’s probably best you read his post now. I won’t do it justice rehashing it, yet this post will make more sense given the context of its inspiration.

When people talk about Steve Jobs they often talk about design. Some use the term to lionize the man, while others use it to dismiss him and his “so-called innovations.” For those who dismiss him, I wonder if they’ve ever held that perfect pen in their hands.

When people talk about Jobs today, they will often talk about Macs, iPods, iPhones, and iPads. Some will use these as examples of one man’s brilliance. Some will rightly say they weren’t the first of their kind to market, but the first of their kind done right, and again they’ll talk about design.

When I talk about Apple, I often mention my old PowerBook. For those who don’t know, PowerBook was the brand name for a line of portable computers Apple made until early this century – eventually replacing it with the “MacBook” when Apple changed the engine it’s computers ran on. It was a branding decision made due to the strong association the word “power” had with its old processors. My PowerBook was the smallest model: twelve inches measured from opposite corners of the screen. Everything about it seemed perfect at the time: it’s size, shape, keyboard, and build.

I wish I could give you a list of specifications and adjectives to describe it, but I’m not that good a writer. What I can say is my computer – a term not often associated with warm and fuzzy, or mythical muses – was my perfect pen. Writing was always simpler when my fingers graced its keys. Better words always came to mind. I was always more satisfied with the results.

The question is why?

The Apple trash talkers will insist I’ve been hoodwinked, a victim of the Jobs “Reality Distortion Field.” They might even tell you I’m the victim of what amounts to a cult.

But I have a different answer.

Design matters.

Thanks Steve.

George Lucas Strikes Back

A warming world

We were leaving the YMCA last night and I asked Beth how her first day of volunteering went.

“Great!” she said.

“Why did you decide to volunteer here?” I asked, thinking of yesterday’s post.

“I wanted to give something back to the community and this was the first place I thought of since we come all the time.”

My heart swelled.

Later, she asked me an interesting question. “Why is it significant the Earth doesn’t cool very much at night?”

“Well, think about it,” I said. “Why do they call CO2 a greenhouse gas?”

“I get it. The Earth has energy in the form of heat all day, not just when the sun is up. It can’t cool after the sun goes down because the heat absorbed during the day can’t escape back into space at night either.”

Although the subject of the last conversation continues to depress me, overall, it was a good day to be a parent. I’ve been a good influence after all.

Now, if there was just some way we could get adults to catch up to the accumulated wisdom of a fourteen year old.

Firsts

Today is the first day of school. Adam and Beth got out the uniforms this morning for the first time in almost three months, and started a new chapter in their lives.

For Adam, it’s first grade. These days the jump from kindergarten to first grade isn’t much different from first to second. The era of standardized testing and school “accountability” has leached most of the fun from learning, as schools standardize curriculums, and reduce every moment between bells to drill English and math into childrens’ heads with the subtlety of a jack-hammer.

It’s why Adam is in private school, although his school isn’t immune to the pressure to kickstart the academics early. Private schools aren’t “accountable” the way public schools are. Florida’s ultra-conservative state government says it’s because private schools are held to an even higher standard: “the free market.” Oh the irony! Private schools lack the woeful standards of “accountability” of public schools, allowing them to devote more time to a rounded education. They can dabble in frivolous things like music, art, and the study of foreign languages and cultures – all the things I got from my public education in Florida before the “accountability movement” started.

Heaven fucking forbid.

Beth starts high school today, though she too will remain at the same, private school she attended last year. As you may recall, our hand was forced when it became clear “accountability” didn’t apply to kids with Aspergers.

I didn’t mean to begin this post with a rant about the school system. It just kind of happened. I guess I still have unresolved issues.

What I really wanted to say is I’m really proud of my kids.

Beth has her first interview today. She’s starting ninth grade, so we were a little leery of her working in her spare time. However, it’s not about money. Beth wants to volunteer at the YMCA, watching the little kids after school and working the front desk.

How could I say no to that? I’m a little worried. Social skills are not her strong point, but if this works out it could be a great experience for her.

Here’s what warmed my heart: she came up with this on her own. While we were there working out one day, she sought out the director, spoke to him, and came home with an application – without any prompting from us. Hell, we didn’t even know she could volunteer at her age.

Lots of kids have good hearts and take initiative to do good things. What surprises me is I’ve brought up one of those kids.

No, she isn’t working to solve the problem of world hunger, but she is willingly giving her time to do something she enjoys – helping other people.

Proud doesn’t begin to explain how I feel. Pretty damn lucky comes close.

What would Jesus call it?

We see doctors for diagnosis and treatment. We may not like or agree with the diagnosis, but that’s why doctors hate the Internet.

In today’s post we’ll be discussing the trouble with names. No, we won’t be discussing doctors’ names or the ones we’d like to call them. It’ll be something else – something wonderful.

Just wait. You’ll see.

I saw my doctor a while back to follow up on my thyroid problem. You may recall my doctor found low levels thyroid hormone in my blood a few months ago. It was a eureka moment. It was FINALLY something to explain my constant exhaustion, and it was easy to treat. It was like going to bed in the heat of August and waking up on a white Christmas morning – THEN – finding out Santa brought you that vacation cabin in the mountains you always wanted. But my energy level collapsed again after early encouraging signs.

(And I was a bit pissed at Santa because I didn’t know how the hell I was going to get that cabin out of my family room.)

I was hoping my hormone levels adapted to the medication and another quick fix was around the corner – a higher dose of medication. But sometimes you can hope, wish, pray, perform ritual dances, AND give up your favorite pair of blue jeans for Lent, and you still don’t get what you want. My hormone levels were just fine… almost too fine, even if I was not.

Don’t knock the jeans before you’ve seen them. They’re one of those rare pieces of clothing that make my ass look fantastic.

It was one more thing successfully treated, and one more day I didn’t feel much better. We decided I’d continue taking the medication. Adding one more to the list probably wouldn’t kill me. It hadn’t yet, and it was cheap so it wouldn’t hasten our financial ruin. I figured I was better off with a normal amount of thyroid hormone in my blood, even if its absence wasn’t the only cause of my problems.

But what was next? My blood was as normal as it’s going to get. I’ve followed up with several specialists until there was no point to follow up anymore. I’ve consistently followed most of the advice gleaned from those visits. My diet was better than it’s ever been. My exercise habits were returning, despite a brief relapse while the family was in D.C. For a few minutes, sitting in my Doctor’s office listening to test results I suddenly didn’t care about, I felt like I was back to square one.

What was next?

I’ll tell you what was next: a name… a label.

It’s not a bad label. No one is slandering my good name – in this context anyway. The problem is it’s an empty name. It’s a label without a cause.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

As names go, there isn’t much to like about this one. For all practical purposes (as far as I know), the name sums up everything “we” know about it. Of course, the history of medicine is littered with descriptive names, but in the past they had the decency to use a dead language to do the naming.

Back when literacy rates were low, Latin might as well have been a forbidden language of the gods. To this day it makes certain things sound important… scientific.

Back when test scores in science and math trailed most of the developed world (but before ignorance became virtue), “science” was something of an unquestioned authority (outside the bible-belt). When Science “… decrees you have bronchitis. Go forth and rest with confidence knowing you are not imagining things… you really are sick,” that was that. You laid down, took your medicine, and shut up.

But what if I said you just had inflamed airways? It’s not quite as persuasive is it? Which script do you think you would most likely fill (and pay for): bronchitis or inflamed airways?

Those of you familiar with the language of our beloved Romans, or the health related sciences, need not answer.

I feel a little better knowing the medical community threw me a bone with “chronic” and “syndrome.” A syndrome sounds like a stranger passing you on the street at night – the kind that tickles the fight/flight reflex. “Chronic” is synonymous with lingering and long term, probably because that’s what it actually means, neither of which are desirable when a syndrome is looming.

But “fatigue?” Really? You medicos couldn’t come up with something more credible than fatigue? You do realize that in the eyes of the public, you’ve just given me a hang-nail, don’t you? If you can’t come up with a decent, scary English name, or something Latin, at least name it after someone. Let me throw a couple examples at you to illustrate my frustration.

– - -

Hey boss, I need to leave early today.

Why?

Well, I feel like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is catching up with me today.

Yeah, sure. Nice try. Now go back to work. Go on, I don’t want to have to write a Coaching Memo for your file.

– - -

See what I mean?

Now let’s try an alternative, starting with a Name.

– - -

… Well, my doctor says I’ve got Bellew-Kauffman Syndrome and I really feel like crap today.

Get the stink out of a damp dog! John, that doesn’t sound good. What is “Belloo-Caughing Syndrome?”

Well, actually it’s pronounced like “bell-you…” oh, never mind. It’s this condition where….
So the bottom line is I feel exhausted.

Jumping Jehosaphat, John! I’m sorry to hear it. By all means, please go. If there’s anything at all I can do for you, please ask. We were all going to get together and watch some ultimate fighting at lunch, but we’ll say a prayer for you afterwards.

– - -

See what I mean? I give you proof it’s all about the name. I have it on good authority it would go down just like that.

Whoa there tiger! Hold on Dr John, MD.

It turns out one of my doctors did have a suggestion – a next step.

She said I should go see a Rheumatologist.

A Rheumatologist? What does Rheumatology have to do with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

I’m going to have to consult the internets.

More

There’s something I need to know and it’s an emergency.

Does the required daily consumption of coffee/caffeine increase with body weight?

I haven’t weighed myself recently, but I think I may have packed away a few pounds since I started working out at the Y. Suddenly, and most unwelcomely, I’ve noticed diminishing returns from a cup of brown gold.

If I have to explain this any further then you really don’t know me at all, do you?

That girl

I was working out at the Y this evening and Adam was spending the time in the play room.

It’s a really big room. I thought you should know that, I don’t know why.

I went to pick him up afterwards and he came storming out breathless, exclaiming “Man! There was this girl in there who was a beast and she was chasing me like I was her favorite food!”

I laughed. He didn’t seem injured in any way, either mentally or physically, so I think it was defensible.

Adam didn’t didn’t share my view on the subject.

Home alone no more

Today my family is only a state away. Unfortunately, Florida is a really big state.

Still, I woke up early this morning and a thought struck me: I could get in the car, leave right now and be with them by lunchtime.

There were just a handful of problems with this plan. It was four-thirty in the morning. I’d slept about three and a half hours. They weren’t three and a half good hours. And Florida is a really big state. Still, you have no idea how close I came to packing a change of clothes, a box of snacks, a thermos of extra strong coffee, and some Tylenol in a backpack and riding off into the sunrise to meet my family in Stone Mountain, GA.

It’s Saturday afternoon and my head is pounding away with each shuddering heartbeat, so it’s probably a good thing I’m here with my iMac instead.

They’ll all be back tomorrow.

That’s the real reason I didn’t jump in the car early this morning.