This is me. This is not me. This is who I’d be if I could be me without fear. I’ve often wanted to talk about work in this space because it’s such a big part of my life – possibly too big. There are three important things in my life: my family, work, and you. This poses several problems. You’ll notice there’s a big hole in that group. Nowhere do I mention friends. There’s no such thing in my life independent of these three groups. My only friends are my family, my co-workers, and you. Not everyone can count their [...]
depression
All this time
A few months ago I reached a relatively low point in my life. I wasn’t dying, starving, lonely, unemployed, or bankrupt so I use the word low lightly. I visited my psychiatrist six weeks ago. (I’m not ashamed to admit it, I have one of those.) After the last few years chatting with me, even she was a little concerned by my appearance. My sleep situation was worse than ever. I was sleeping between 10 – 13 hours a night with naps in between, possibly 15 hours a day all told, yet I felt like I’d got none (or very [...]
Vindication
It’s not the kind of vindication I wanted. Some of us go through life deluding ourselves that our experiences are wholly unique. We experience an accident or fall victim to illness and we believe we are alone. We are not alone, but we don’t know it. Maybe it’s because we’re unique among our peers, where our physical and mental injuries are concerned. The internet makes the world a little smaller but it doesn’t necessarily change the way we feel about ourselves, or how others feel about us. Cheryl is often tired. I don’t deny it. She has a hard job [...]
In the UF years
People romanticize snippets of the past and I’m no different. If you listen to me talk about my UF years, you’d think: 1. I got straight As.* 2. I spent four years in Gainesville with Cheryl, a time overflowing with love, joy, learning, and fulfillment. 3. Ambrosia came with every meal. They only had enough to serve it as a side though.** 4. Classmates followed me on campus, collecting things my feet had trod. 5. Steve Spurrier begged me daily to join the team and solve his dreadful kicking game.*** 6. I reigned over the Florida Gym like I was [...]
Piles of life
Like many of my posts, I wrote the lion’s share of this one some time ago. I was inspired to polish and post it by a friend’s recent, much better post. Let me tell you a little something you may not know about sinusitis. I do not like sinusitis. I do not like it with a nose. I do not like it when it blows. I do not like it in my head. I do not like it lying in a bed. It’s been one of those… oh hell, I can’t think of what to call it. “Three month stretch” [...]
Success or failure?
It may seem I’ve been gone for a while, but it’s not true. I’ve been here and there. I’ve just been invisible for a while. You would think I was agonizing over a feature article for the newspaper. I have two or three posts in the queue (not counting countless, abandoned ones) that are “mostly done” but I can’t bring myself to finish/post. You’ve already heard me moan about one of them so I’ll move on. It brings me to another subject I think about from time to time: what is success? I’m thinking in terms of a whole life [...]
Interpreting Beth
Many of you know Beth has high functioning autism. Some of you know Beth. A few of you are familiar with Beth’s low tolerance for discomfort of any kind, and the hypochondria that accompanies it.More than once we’ve played the town’s folk as Beth cried wolf, only to find later the wolf was real – and caught up to her. When she was a newborn/toddler her way too frequent complaints turned out to be urinary tract infections brought about my a birth defect requiring surgery – and removal of half a kidney. As she got older, the constant stomach pains [...]
For Sale
You’ve heard a picture is worth a thousand words, but have you ever considered words can have infinite meaning? It’s the beauty of language; this thing our gray matter dreamed up to communicate. It’s so complex it’s a wonder we can keep it straight, and it explains why so many of us have trouble capturing its intricacies in print. Just the words “for sale” can mean several things to different people, depending on context, inflection, or tone. They can explain one’s principles or one’s property, their meaning completely different. They can conjure countless stories from your imagination: like the broken [...]
Florida, my home
I’m a hair more moody these days, looking at life through my azure tinted glasses, but there’s a good reason. It’s nothing serious, just your garden variety, mid-medication change depression. I just thought I’d say this post is an example of effect, not cause. Last week we said goodbye to my in-laws. They’re doing something I haven’t done since the leukemia diagnosis, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. They’re taking a vacation. The kind where you go someplace. What’s worse, they’re going to New England – my first home, making stops in New Hampshire and Maine. [...]
Never
No, I should really know better. When Cheryl and I moved here from Orlando we lived with her parents until we could find a place for ourselves. For almost as long as we’ve had a place of our own, Cheryl has been keeping an eye out for a place we could share with her parents. Every time she’s proposed a place my answer was very simple. NO. I’ve never wavered. Every time I’ve lived with someone besides my immediate family, I’ve never quite felt comfortable. Even when I’ve paid a share of the rent, part of me felt like an [...]
