Recent events have led to less than optimal sleep. In these last few, sleep deprived days, my office has had all the stimulating effect of a sharp blow to the head. In the beginning, I turned to a sugar and caffeine cocktail for relief. This magical potion can be purchased over the counter as Mountain Dew. I turned to this sugary solution only because I can’t stand the caffeinated heavy hitters: coffee and tea. These caffeinated wonders might taste good if I were a cow, accustomed to the simple culinary pleasures of the pasture, but they do nothing for my taste buds. However, since two Mountain Dews could satisfy my caloric needs for the entire day, I figured I needed something a little lighter. Diet alternatives were out. Artificial sweeteners have never quite hit the mark for me.

And then it hit me.

What does any self respecting, red blooded American do when the going gets tough? Why, the answer had been waiting for me all this time – just down the shelf at the pharmacy. At my disposal was pure, pharmaceutical grade caffeine. I didn’t even need a prescription! I could just take a pill and my sleep deprivation would be a thing of the past!

And then it hit me.

My first day on pharmaceutical caffeine was a blur, riding high on a wave of jittery energy.

And then I hit the wall.

The effects wore off and my energy level walked off a cliff. I fell hard. So what does someone do under these circumstances? Naturally, I stayed up late again last night. Why get enough sleep when you can just take a pill? Sure, the crash is something fearsome, but timed right it won’t come until after I return home. Then again, I could just try and go to bed earlier.