You’ve heard of tryptophan, the culprit long suspected of putting the turkey eating hordes to sleep on Thanksgiving. What I want to know is, why didn’t anyone suspect the alcohol? Come now, get a bunch of American families together once a year for a holiday “good time” – and you’re telling me no one is going to go heavy on the silly sauce? What’s more likely: a common amino acid that is found in many other kinds of foods (some in greater quantities) mysteriously causes drowsiness only when consumed late in the afternoon in November, or Aunt Louise passed out after one too many glasses of California’s finest? I’m going to step down off of my high horse and admit something to both of you: I was once one of the duped masses. I believed the tryptophan lie. NO MORE, I TELL YOU!

This has been a public service message from the Poultry Eaters Association of North America.