It goes almost without saying that level of disappointment is directly related to the level of expectation or enthusiasm prior to the event which caused said disappointment. Wow, that was a mouthfull. What exactly am I trying to say? Oh hell, I’ll just say it. We’ve had three miscarriages in the last year and a half. After that many I would think any normal person would tend to temper their expectations a bit, and I am no exception. Well, imagine something coming along to pump the situation with enthusiasm once again. In this case, Cheryl came home with twin smudges on an ultrasound. (For those of you out there I didn’t tell in person, please take no offense.) I know, I know – there’s nothing worse than being excited again, is there? Sarcasm aside – in the back of my mind I was afraid that I was being set up for another big fall. Well the big fall hasn’t quite come, but we seem to be teetering on the precipice. Cheryl had her weekly check-up and they didn’t find evidence of a heart beat. They qualified it by saying this has happened before (at her stage of pregnancy) and they still saw the heart beat later – with an eventual healthy delivery. At the same time, they were not overly enthusiastic either.
Alas, the emotional roller continues. I must be a glutton for punishment, but I hope it continues for the next seven months and beyond. If it doesn’t it means my newly acquired expectations will have let me down. Again.