John Kauffman, defender of virtue, mentor to the inexperienced, and wellspring of knowledge, was having a bad day. Witness his innocent looking trip to the break room. Suffering from a shortage of “get up and go”, our hero went foraging for coins to appease the vending machine gods. After a fruitless search, our hero discovered a dollar bill in the most unlikely of places, his wallet. Knowing that the vending machine gods were unforgiving to those without exact change, our frugal hero found someone willing to exchange their change for his bill.

Enter the break room.

Our hero laid his coins upon their altar and prayed for relief. As many can attest, the vending machine gods can be a mischievous lot. Our hero watched intently as the machine stirred with life. But just as it appeared they would answer his prayer, the machine stopped short of sharing the fruit of its bounty. Our hero was crushed with despair, but thankfully it was merely a ruse to keep him on his toes. Just as he was about to give up hope the machine shared a Twix bar from its basket of plenty. A metallic clang announced the end of hunger; and with it the beginning of a new era of satisfaction, contentment and productivity.