Have you ever opened your mouth, only to be surprised by the amount of fluid your mouth is expelling? The circumstances don’t seem to matter, you can be opening your mouth to eat or speak, and suddenly (and without voluntary control), you’re spitting a narrow stream of saliva across the room like one of those shower heads they install in low rent apartments to conserve water. I couldn’t spit like that if I tried; and believe me, as a male child of the species I did try.

If I were a fundamentalist prone to hysteria, I’d find myself jumping into a pool of holy water, screaming “cast ye out SATAN!!!” There are two reasons to be thankful right there: I’m not a fundamentalist prone to hysteria, and there are no pools of holy water handy. Whew!

Anyone familiar with the mechanics of accidental spit is welcome to reply.