My acceptance speech, modest delusions of grandeur, and a pinch of doom and gloom

Well folks, it’s been a long night. Like many of the other candidates for elected office this evening, I’ve been sitting by the television sweating out the election results. But, after a long evening, after months of work and countless hours of effort, victory is mine. By a unanimous 1-0 vote (mine ultimately being the only vote that counts), I have won another term as speaker of the house. There are so many people out there to thank, it’s hard to pick a place to begin, but I think I should start with my opponents. First, my son Adam, God bless him; I’m sure he will make a wonderful speaker one day, but he’s clearly not ready for the job. My daughter Beth; she really came on strong this year, but she’s still a few years off. Then there’s Cheryl. What can I say about Cheryl? She’s been the glue for this family all year. Without her, half of us would not be here today. It was really a tough decision, but in the end it came down to a matter of good old-fashioned “know how” and she just doesn’t know how to update this site. Is it my fault she doesn’t know how? Sure, you could say I’ve withheld the proper instruction – and you would be right, so lets move on. I’d also like to thank the hard working, creative men and women of Apple Computer, without whose efforts this web site would still be possible, but not quite as much fun.

I would thank my faithful readers, but there aren’t very many of you – and if I were doing this to garner the attention of scores of readers I’d have given up by now.

If you detect a somber note to what should be a reason for celebration, then your perceptions are keen. As you know, there are other elections being decided tonight, and being a liberal is beginning to feel a little lonely. (Thank goodness my constituency as speaker is so small.) I’m a sore looser, so I won’t linger on the topic of the other elections right now.

Pessimism and good humor don’t often go out for drinks together, and tonight is obviously no exception.