A little too cheap to find some relief

Inertia is a term most often associated with physics, but it can also apply to the sweet science of psychology. What I’m not sure of right now is if something can have varying degrees of inertia, or if inertia is just a universal property. For example, if “John” is just a name for the gestalt that makes me “John,” then I can’t be any more or less “John,” I’m just “John.” However, if “John” describes the amount of physical space that I occupy, then I can be more or less “John” (and judging by my weight I’m more and more “John” every day). Maybe the term I really want is “momentum.” Either way, inertia / momentum, my wardrobe has a lot of it.

Two days ago my wife was telling me a story. It was another fascinating tale of two members of the XX club on a shopping trip. My wife’s partner on this trip wanted to get her significant other a pair of pants. She wasn’t positive about the size, but she thought it was a “36” (referring to the waist size in inches). My wife was not buying it. “John wears a 34, and there’s no way (censored) is bigger ’round the equator than John.”

My poor, poor Cheryl; if only she knew. How would she react if she knew the truth… that the waistline of my pants is an engineering marvel, rivaling the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hoover Dam? It is amazing what lengths I will go to avoid clothes shopping. So if Cheryl’s shopping partner is out there, 36 could be the right size (or 38, 40, 42 – let me just finish that last bite of Baby Ruth and I’ll get back to you).