You can always tell how cheap someone is by how well they take to spending money. Moments ago I was compelled to pony up $200, and found myself in the throws of apoplexy.

Yes, it went that well.

In order for you to fully appreciate this tale of woe, you have to go back to the summer of 1998. It was hotter than Hades outside and we were just finishing moving into our new house. That was the first time our A/C needed some work. It has been a little over six years since that first overhaul of our central air system, and we’ve easily spent three times more on A/C repair than the principal payments we made on the house.

This morning we were told that our one year old, fully programmable, state-of-the-art, heat pump thermostat was broken. So that’s why our one week old, brand spankin’ new heat pump wasn’t producing heat! In almost any other context I would be overjoyed at the prospect of replacing a thermostat – better that than a compressor unit or an air-handler, right? Having recently replaced everything else in our A/C system (part of a cycle that has been more frequent than the rate we replace shower curtains), I was not keen on replacing our one year old, fully programmable, state-of-the-art, heat pump thermostat.

Cheryl has hope. She thinks the thermostat has a warranty. I don’t have the heart to take away her hope. I think the warranty was one year.

(Untranslatable, loud, and allegedly human noises omitted.)

I guess anyone willing to spend $200 on a fully programmable, state-of-the-art, heat pump thermostat can’t really be called cheap; but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be happy about it.