I have this dream where an anonymous Democratic candidate for president responds to his opponent’s charge that he’ll “raise your taxes.”

“Ladies and gentlement, my opponent would have you believe that, if I’m elected, I’m going to raise your taxes. Folks, it seems to me that somebody’s fallen off the wagon. As much as I hate to admit it, the Democrats won’t control the House for the foreseeable future; and that means the only way a tax increase will pass is if we propose to start taxing welfare benefits. My opponent’s party has done such a successful job shifting the debate on tax policy that no one, I MEAN NO ONE, is debating whether or not taxes should be cut. The only debate you’ll hear on taxes is HOW MUCH they should be cut. The last presidential campaign based almost solely on tax policy was Reagan vs. Mondale, and we all know how that one turned out. So, to put it in language the evening news can understand, I’ve got a better chance of resurrecting Strom Thurmond and talking him into a run as the Green Party candidate, than I do getting a tax increase passed by this House AND still being re-elected in four years.”

“Now my opponent will tell you that Clinton did it in 1994, and it could happen again. Two things: 1) back then the House was Democratic – since then, not so much; and 2) I know Bill Clinton, Bill Clinton is my friend, sir, I’m no Bill Clinton.”