Today I am faced with a dilemma that has troubled men and women folk alike, and for as long as man and woman kind have processed wood pulp to replace those stone tablets. I’m having trouble turning pages with my dry hands.

The first, and simplest solution, would be to simply lick my fingers. Do I have to remind you about the bacteria levels in your average office? I know where my fingers have been, and that’s precisely why I won’t put them in my mouth. Besides, it seems rather selfish to essentially lick my paperwork, knowing someone else will have to handle it.

The next option is the box of “Tacky Finger” in my desk drawer. This is one of those items I inherited from the last person to use my desk, about ten years ago. It’s been a long time since I’ve taken chemistry, but I imagine the inside of my “Tacky Finger”, nah, on second thought, the culture dish analogy is a little old. Let’s just say that looking at the outside of the box, I’m given pause to wonder if there may be environmental regulations regarding its proper disposal. Needless to say, I won’t be putting my fingers in there anytime soon.

The third option is hand lotion. Ha ha! I almost had you there, didn’t I? Like I’d have hand lotion handy.

Maybe a moist paper towel from the men’s room would do the trick?