Too much of a good thing

I got to work this morning and had some caffeine. I would tell you that I sat down and enjoyed a morning cup of joe, but I’d feel dishonest. We all know that coffee is just a delivery device for caffeine anyway, so,. After some morning “go” juice I was clipping away at a healthy pace, whistling while I worked. You walk through a state office building and see how many people are whistling. There’s no surer sign of mental illness. Ah, but you see, it wasn’t THAT kind of whistling. I’ve got this nagging cough, with accompanying irritated airways; a holdover from three weeks of fighting the good fight against all sorts of viral and bacterial invasions. If you must know, it’s driving me a bit batty.

Flash back to two years ago. I was talking to a nurse at my allergist’s office about my then (as now) nagging cough. She said that some of their patients took the occasional, as needed, puff on their “rescue” inhaler. This sometimes alleviated their cold related symptoms. She didn’t recommend doing it all of the time, but she reassured me that a couple of hits wouldn’t kill me.

Flash forward to the present. I’ve got this nagging cough that’s a real downer man. That visit to the allergist came to mind, so I decided to give it a shot.

First off, let me bring you up to speed on “rescue” inhalers. It’s a metered aerosol spray that you suck through your mouth and into your airways. It is prescribed for people with asthma, or people like me that occasionally have undesirable reactions to allergy shots. “No Mr. Kauffman, the shots are not supposed to turn your throat into a woodwind instrument.” Your garden variety “rescue inhaler” is a stimulant that works almost instantly, absorbing into the tissues in your airways. Picture caffeine, chopped up into a fine powder, and snorting it; that’s how it feels to suck on a “rescue” inhaler. Think instant go. Now imagine that you had already taken your daily dose of caffeine, and then took a puff on that inhaler. That’s some soak your pants in gasoline, light ’em up, and get up and go!

I just hope I don’t need any fine motor control this morning.