Since all events are now measured in terms of how they relate to my rash, this tale is right smack in the middle of Genesis – based on the events of three weeks ago.
In the beginning his skin was void of blemishes or imperfections, and the Lord said, “let there be a rash,” and there was a rash, and it was most assuredly not good. On the second day the Lord said, “let he on whom I’ve bestowed this rash go to Busch Gardens,” and he went to Busch Gardens, and that too was not good. Later that same day the Lord saw that he on whom he’d bestowed this rash and sent to Busch Gardens was thirsty, and said, “Let Busch Gardens give them their choice of free beer,” and there was Bare Knuckle Stout, and it did not look very good. Finally, the Lord saw he on whom he’d bestowed this rash, sent to Busch Gardens, and given Bare Knuckle Stout – had a daughter whose curiosity threatened to overwhelm the goodness of his creation, and said, “let her have a sip of this Bare Knuckle Stout and thou shall see this curiosity vanish!” – and she did, and it most assuredly did vanish, and it was finally good.