As a general rule, metal is a better conductor than cloth woven from natural fibers. Heck, I’ll go out on a limb and wager that metals tend to be better conductors than many man-made substances found in clothing. As a general rule, I shouldn’t wager too much based on my knowledge of the “physical sciences” – as it extends only so far as you can throw a Florida public servant (such as the author). The word “conductor” has intentionally been left as non-specific as possible, allowing the greatest possibility for accuracy.

As many stories go, this little exercise in intellectual futility has it’s roots in a real live experience.

Laundry.

It has the same number of syllables as “Newman!” While the two words have little else in common, they can be spoken in a similar manner. Laundry is the bane of my existence – yes, more than yard work. It is always there – like bugs in the forest – multiplying and feeding on your enthusiasm like a forgotten Snicker’s Bar on the great camping trip of life. Because it is always there, there is endless experience dealing with it. And yet, like that Snicker’s Bar – there’s always the possibility for surprise (heaven forbid the A/C was off in the break room over the weekend). Take under-wire bras, for example. Who knew they’d leave a crescent moon shaped burn on flesh with sufficient exposure to the elements in your average, household clothes dryer? Hell if I did, until this evening that is. I’d expect as much from jeans – those little rivet bastards in Levi’s will get you every time. But bras?