• Our poor Beth

    We’re not perfect parents, but I like to think we’re at least average. Beth is on the cusp of that time when parents become ogres with wallets. It’s not really like that here, but what fun is a blog if I can’t exaggerate once and a while.

    There’s a punishment that’s particularly effective with Beth, owing to her love of the computer. She gets that from her father’s side of the family. It involves taking away electronics privileges. When we have to exercise the nuclear option you’d think she was being sent away for life in prison.

    Here’s Beth trying her hand a criminal law.

    “Mom, isn’t taking away a kid’s electronics considered a form of child abuse?”

    Nice try kid.

  • New look

    *UPDATE: it looks like Mobile Safari doesn’t deal with static background images very well.

    —

    Maybe you noticed the new blog theme. If not, take a closer look. It’s hard to miss. I showed it to my editor (Cheryl) and her response was: “It looks kind of cool, but I like colors. This looks kind of depressing.”

    It’s good advice, but I’m keeping it for now anyway. I’m not sure I’m cool with the degree of transparency in the posts – in Safari and Firefox for Mac anyway. I’m not sure I have the patience right now to fire up Windows on the iMac to see how the poor, unfortunate souls trapped in Windows will fare. Blogs with text that’s hard to read is a peeve of mine… and now I fear I’m sinking to their level. What good is a blog if you can’t read it? Though, in this case maybe it’s a blessing ;-)

    We’ll see how it goes. I’ve been testing various backgrounds on my test blog. And yes, I have such a thing. I had been working on converting a three column theme I saw a while back to two columns. What the heck, just for kicks (mine, not yours) you can see it here (a rough version anyway).

    This background picture seemed to fit both my mood, and was something that wasn’t too busy (not a lot of sharp and changing contrasts that would interfere with the foreground). I’m fond of this particular picture for a couple reasons. One, I took it on an awesome hike with Adam along the beach on a rare foggy day. Second, it reminds me of my mother, during her saner days. She used to like to drive out to the Dunedin causeway and watch the pelicans fish. I used this image for the cover of a picture book I had made for her for her birthday last year.

    Maybe you wouldn’t believe it from the tone I often take, but I’m my own biggest fan… with more returning hits than any other source. I’m weird that way. Although the colors are dark, the picture itself reminds me of my mother’s better days.

    So for now it stays. I hope it won’t turn you away.

  • Living in the not

    Have you ever felt inexplicably irritable? For a week or month at a time?

    Now it’s time for the truth. I have an explanation, I’ve just been reluctant to talk about it. It feels like an excuse. Part of me lives in fear… like if I say it out loud a mob of disturbingly happy people with “The Secret” will bombard me with platitudes. Then, on top of feeling grumpy, I’ll lose my lunch. The best damn yogurt I’ve had all day.

    Oh, I’ve talked about the reason. I just haven’t copped to feeling run over by it. (At least, I don’t think I have.) Part of me feels shame – that my troubles don’t deserve the pity I heap on myself.

    It doesn’t help that I know it’s all garbage. We all have problems, larger and smaller, and we’re allowed to be upset by them.

    The good news is I’m sleeping better. A combination of advice from my doctor and friends seems to have my restless legs (somewhat) under control. The bad news is I’m still really tired. Worrying about Cheryl doesn’t help. We’re getting to the point where we’ve just about ruled in surgery. Now we talk about possible nerve damage and things that may never be fixed. Now we wonder how long her department will hold her job, or if they’ll let her work with any physical limitations.

    The funny thing is, I don’t mind the extra work. I’m not a big fan of chores – as if anyone is, but doing a few extra things around the house hasn’t been a big deal. My part-time taxi gig (for Beth’s activities) started before the accident, so I can’t blame it on that. Besides, I kind of like going to Tae Kwon Do. I may grumble about it from time to time, but that’s just me being grumpy… hence this post.

    That little corner of my mind – the selfish prick in me – was worried about picking up the slack. I’m happy to say I’m not quite as selfish as I thought. Much of the time the extra work feels gratifying – the one thing I have some control over, to make things a little better for Cheryl.

    I feel like all of it is wasted when I succumb to a blue period. I want to be an emotional rock of support, not mud. I want to fix things, not make my own messes. Maybe fix isn’t the right word. I know I can’t fix everything. Maybe that’s my problem. I know but I don’t really understand.

    Hah! Look who’s speaking in platitudes now?