• The football gods have looked upon me with favor, or have they?

    Ho hum. Another Super Bowl. Anyone who says it’s as big a thrill the third time around is either lying, or kidding themselves.

    Now if I could just wake up.

    Seeing as how I’ve done such a wonderful job of caffeine impulse control (curse my damn ingenuity), I’m desperate for some pick-me-up. I could ask one of my coworkers to sneak up on me at random times during the day to try and scare me. “BOO!” That just might keep me on my toes. Here’s another thought, I could lance myself with a thumb tack. There’s nothing like a little sharp pain and self mutilation to get you going in the morning.

    Desperate times call for desperate measures.

    What I could really use is a Starbucks Mocha Frappachino. Sweet. Cold. Refreshing. Caffeinated. Manna from heaven.

    Wait a second! I’m an adult. I have a God given right to blame someone else for my fatigue. It’s all Cheryl’s fault. Yeah, that’s the ticket! She was like some kind of homemaker boot camp drill sergeant this weekend. “YOU CALL THAT CLEAN? WHAT’S A MATTER BOY? DIDN’T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU TO MOP?” Sadly, on Saturday morning we did more before 9 a.m. than I had all month – and I’ve got the mop hand calluses to prove it.

  • If God had meant for man to work on the weekends, he would have given us wives

    DOAH!

  • Wednesday, Wednesday, why do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

    What a perfectly awful day the hump day has become. Why do I tremble when other men rejoice? It’s all in the timing. The Wednesday schedule puts me in my home, ready to relax, at the one hour ’til bedtime mark. What, pray tell, can I do with a lousy hour? In the adult scheme of things, one hour is about as useful as one dollar, one square of toilet paper, or one shoe. I spent ten minutes of this precious hour wandering aimlessly around the house, like someone who lost their puppy. Then I found the one thing that seemed worthy of my time – but it lasts one hour and I only had 50 minutes left.

    Oh the humanity.