• What are you looking at?

    I’m admitting more here than I should, in the even that anyone should actually read this. What I’m about to say next will surely convince you that I’ve gone over the edge. If that is so, then you should know that I really went long ago. So here I go. Do you ever find yourself in a contemplative mood? Do you ever find yourself wandering about the house admiring your surroundings? I do. I see it as a sign of happiness. Its kind of like meditation for me. Everyone has downshifted into slumber and the house is quiet. I see the house in a new light, and not just because it is darker. I need to see the house when it is quiet to understand what it means in my life. During the day life is in full swing and you can’t see it. You can’t see it because your in the middle of it. Night falls, and with it falls everything else. You get to step outside of it all and see it from outside. It is part of who we are, part of our life. Over there is where Beth learned to walk. Over there is step where Beth constantly bruised her shins. This is where we finally decided to pull up carpet and install the Pergo. Over in corner over there is where I found out my sister was pregnant. Out there is where we celebrated countless birthdays. In the next room is where I spent countless nights trying to be creative, and fantasizing that I actually was. People come to our house and we give them the tour. At some point I always admit that the house is small, but that we like it here. At some point they always reply that it’s really nice for a first house, a starter house. To me, walking around the house tonight, it doesn’t feel like a starter house. It feels like my only house. It feels like home.


  • Working for yourself.

    I’m not even exactly sure what I mean by that just yet. I’m kind of writing by the seat of my pants. Actually, I’m not … no, on second thought that’s more than you needed to know. I was just sitting here thinking about work (I’m writing this on Friday night) and what its like to finish off the week. No, its more than that. I’m thinking about what it’s like to go to work five days a week, and what keeps me going back. I could say all of the proper family man things like: “I work because I have responsibilities at home” … and so on. That is a good reason, but not necessarily the one I was thinking of. Hell, my wife makes more that I do. I’ve never seen myself as, nor do I think others see me as, a man’s man a la 1950 (THANK GOD). I go to work because I like to go to work. In general, I like my job. It may not always seem like it, especially lately. I’ve been kind of run down by this thing that seems like a cold without quite being a cold, so I’ve looked and felt kind of disheveled. Anyway, illness or not, I can’t imagine making through five days a week if I weren’t working for myself.


  • Mixed messages.

    I do like work, as I’ve alluded to before. Sometimes I can get too much of a good thing, which I’ve also alluded to before. This week was no different.