Have you heard that the color of your phlegm has absolutely nothing to do with what type of infection you have (viral versus bacterial)? MInd you, I don’t really know if this is true. I just heard it somewhere.

Did you know that if you cough hard enough you can collapse a lung? Yeah, now I’m just making stuff up.

Have you ever coughed long and hard enough to give yourself one mother of a headache?

Have you ever taken a good look at your phlegm?

Do foods with artificial colors contaminate the specimen?

Do you prefer the word “phlegm” or “ejecta”?

Since we’re making this multiple choice, do you prefer “none of the above”?

Did you know that the easiest way to get an elementary school age child to laugh is to work in a reference to phlegm or one of it’s close relatives? (I’ve found that the nasal variety is the most reliable.)

Excuse me while I fetch my over the counter pain reliever.