“IS YOUR CHILD VULNERABLE TO THE DEADLY FLU EPIDEMIC RAGING ACROSS THE COUNTRY? TUNE IN TONIGHT FOR A TEAM 10 INVESTIGATION!”

“DEATH AT THE MALLS! AN EIGHT IS BIGGER THAN SEVEN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT, TONIGHT AT 11!”

“DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF FALLING ASLEEP AT WORK? IF SO, YOU MAY BE LIKE MILLIONS OF AMERICANS WHO SUFFER FROM A DEADLY NEW DISEASE THAT HAS HEALTH CARE OFFICIALS STUMPED. FIND OUT TONIGHT AT 11, ON A SIMPLE MINDED SEVEN REPORT THAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS!”

I HATE the local news broadcasts. No, HATE is not too strong a word.