O.K. mister, hold it right there! I want you to give me all of your carbs! Everybody just stay calm and no one will get hurt. HEY! Keep your hands away from those bun-less burgers! I said I want CARBS! I’m running out of energy here so hurry it up! You people and your weird diets, you wanna lose weight? I’ve got a diet for ya. We’ll call it the “lube job” diet. Just replace every other meal with a serving of mineral oil. A clean colon is a happy colon, no?

All right, I’m leaving now. I want you all to get down on the floor and say “Dr. Atkins can eat my Wonder bread.” Don’t get back up until you’ve said it fifty times. Go on, do it!