Say it isn’t so!

The forecast for Hades today calls for a high around twenty-eight degrees, with a chance for light snow flurries by evening. Those of you coming across the river (Styx) this morning need to watch out for some ice on the bridges. Otherwise, it should be a pleasant change from all of the hot weather we’ve been having over the last few millennia.

I had an appointment with a chiropractor.

To many this is not a big deal. To me, it’s like swearing that the Earth is really flat, taking two shots of snake oil for my tired bones, giving Elvis a call to see what he’s been up to lately, and laying down for some R & R on my memory foam bed.

The actual appointment was everything I expected it would be. There was more snap crackle and pop than a cereal commercial. The session was more WWF than MD. There are precious few parts of your body that were designed with that kind of cracking and popping in mind; and your spine, that thing that makes a good 95 % of your motor function possible, is not one of them. Me? I like motor function.

To finish me off he put me in a solid head lock, tensed up the muscles in his forearms, and said “don’t worry, just relax.” Faster than you could ask “have you ever killed someone?” my neck did some serious cracking. The doctor misread the look in my eyes as euphoria ala pain relief. He asked, “How do you feel?” He was expecting me to say I felt better. “Lucky to be alive,” I replied.

O.K., O.K., that was the fantasy response. That’s what I would have said if I were feeling frisky yesterday morning. Instead I just lamely asked, “Is that it?” “Yes” he replied, “no more torture for today.”

That has to wait for my follow-up visit on Friday.