Lest you worry that things have settled into a carefree routine here at the Kauffman Household (v. 2.2.1), I have reports of a new and terrifying phenomenon discovered just this morning: projectile poop. I think the name speaks for itself, so I won’t further trouble your imagination with the details. Suffice it to say that it was a horrible mess, one that found your hero facing the business end of the baby when it occurred. Watching this horrifying display of applied physiology on a pedestal (the new changing table), I also discovered one of the advantages of the high ground on a battlefield – greater range for the artillery. What were the casualties of this battle? We lost half a box of baby wipes, three gallons of water, one hour of adult labor, one baby outfit, and one adult sized pair of cargo shorts.

It is my sincere wish that you never have to witness such a horrifying display.