Eating healthy food is way easier when you’re hungry. This is perhaps the best thing about the starvation diet. All that green stuff in the grocery store; you know, that strange corner of my Publix behind the frozen pizza, where they keep that stuff that kind of looks like the things that grow instead of grass in my yard, it turns out that under some circumstances it actually tastes good.

Wait a minute? Did someone say pizza? HOLY MOTHER OF JENNY CRAIG, BATMAN! SOMEONE LEFT GLAZED DOUGHNUTS IN THE BREAK ROOM AGAIN!

Quick, someone get me some spinach leaves and some “lite” raspberry vinaigrette dressing – STAT!