I have decided that I don’t need anymore rounding as a person. Friends, it’s time for a diet. In true gadget geek form, I’ve immersed myself in lists, digital scales, digital nutrition books, and spreadsheets. If commitment can be measured in collateral stuff, then I must be in it for the long haul.

How am I doing it; South Beach, Atkins, Weight Watchers? Nope, I’m sticking with good old fashioned starvation. The great thing about starvation is that you always know when it’s working, if you’re hungry then you know you’re sticking to your diet. Why, in just a couple of days I’ve found it can be a real boon for my perception of self worth. Every moment of every day can be a rewarding experience. As I see it, there’s only a couple of drawbacks to starvation: 1) it’s not much better for you than being overweight; and, 2) it’s a difficult lifestyle to maintain long term.

Oh all right, I’m not really starving myself. Well, I’m not exactly starving myself anyway. After extensive internet research (insert groan here) I’ve put together a rather complex (hair-brained) system of food substitution and calorie counting. Out is all of the crap I’ve been eating at work and snacks at home. Out are all of those crap frozen dinners. In are more nutritious snacks, based on a combination of their flavor and nutritional value. In are more wholesome frozen dinners. In is a Palm based spreadsheet for tracking everything I eat (just like a good bureaucrat). The one drawback to this system is we’re quickly learning it’s MUCH more expensive to eat healthy.

Ah, junk food, I guess you’re damned if you do and broke if you don’t.

On a side note, I have a question, where exactly did the expression “hair brained” come from? Was it originally meant to be an unflattering metaphor for women’s intelligence? (Based on the stereotype that women typically have longer hair then men?) If so, please know that I meant no offense Cheryl.