Love thy medicine

This year I’ve become quite the connoisseur of prescription drugs.

Personally, I think the 2007 Phizer collection is divine. It goes without saying that a well crafted capsule goes down smooth (although I said it anyway), but my Phizer stock of tablets go down almost as well. There’s a very mild bitter taste, with just a hint of metallic tang. And the coating? Don’t get me started about the coating. These marvels of modern pharmacology slide down your throat with a minimum of fuss. They’re a delight compared to my generics, whose chalky coatings bond to your tongue like a freezing flagpole. When they say you should drink a full glass of water, they aren’t kidding. Sometimes it takes a full eight ounces just to dislodge the pill from your tongue. And the taste? The generics ought to come with a warning about the explosion of bitterness they’re packing. You could armor plate your tongue and they would still curl your lips in shock.

On the other hand, you are paying a hefty premium for that coating**. Some of those name brands cost more for a single pill than a 30 day supply of generics (especially if you’re buying from a discount retailer – though I can’t bring myself to shop at Wal-Mart… I always feel dirty afterwards… but that’s a topic for another day).

**Yes, I know you’re paying for more than just the coating… R&D, tacky television and print ads, legal war-chests for liability claims when the latest wonder-drug is linked to spontaneous combustion… etc.

Give the gift of words.