D – 15 (This is a test)
Counting down the days until Beth’s thirteenth birthday with a few reposts from the archives.
Originally posted: Nov 4, 2003, Beth’s age: 6
Did you know that doctors will prescribe medication for something other than it’s originally intended purpose? An example is the hypertension drug minoxidil. People taking minoxidil many years ago may have noticed one of the side effects: “… may result in increased hair growth…. ” Doctors later figured out you could smear some on your head… and the rest was history.
Everyone is familiar with the standard reasons for having children: leaving a legacy in this world, extending the species, having a family, enjoying the pitter patter of little feet, and so on. Many parents will tell you that there is another, lesser known reason for having children: namely to test the structural integrity of your home and its furnishings. Parents of the world, who among you is not familiar with the crashing sound of falling objects followed by the “apologetic chorus” (as performed by your offspring)? Refrain: “I’m so sorry, so sorry….”
Five years ago, when we first moved into our new house, I hung my bicycle from the ceiling in our converted garage. I suspected at the time that I might have only grazed the outside of the stud in the ceiling, without hitting it dead center. It seemed solid at the time, so I didn’t think about it any further… until last night.
From the other room… “daddy, your bike fell down.”
Running from the other side of the house “Beth, are you o.k.?”
“I’m sorry daddy.”
“Beth are you o.k.?”
“I’m o.k. daddy.”
“Beth, do you know how the bike fell?”
Suspicious… “Beth, did the bike fall all by itself or did it have some help?”
Sheepishly… “It had some help.”
Always remember the second law of raising children: “any household implement that can be used as gymnasium equipment, WILL be used as gymnasium equipment.”
Bookshelves WILL be used as a step ladder.
Hanging bicycles will be used as a flying trapeze.
It doesn’t matter how well you raise your child, the temptation is there every waking moment spent in the house. No amount of conditioning can defeat that kind of temptation. Please plan accordingly.
And for God’s sake, PLEASE make SURE you hit the center of the stud with your anchors!
In our house the refrain sung after a crash was “I’m ok.”
I guess it’s a good thing the kids thought I was more interested in their well-being than our stuff — no matter how mistaken this belief may have been. :-)
Our house was pretty well baby/kid proofed, so most crashes were the smaller broken lamp variety, rather than broken child.
Our kids broke a lot of stuff. Beth wasn’t welcome at many neighborhood homes due to her clumsy nature, so she just got in the habit of apologizing.