For Sale
You’ve heard a picture is worth a thousand words, but have you ever considered words can have infinite meaning? It’s the beauty of language; this thing our gray matter dreamed up to communicate. It’s so complex it’s a wonder we can keep it straight, and it explains why so many of us have trouble capturing its intricacies in print.
Just the words “for sale” can mean several things to different people, depending on context, inflection, or tone. They can explain one’s principles or one’s property, their meaning completely different. They can conjure countless stories from your imagination: like the broken dreams of a sign in a small, abandoned shop downtown, or the excitement of a brighter future posted in the yard of a modest home.
To me, they mean giving up. I knew the words were inevitable for months, but my heart didn’t truly accept them until last weekend. We agreed to call a realtor and put our home up for sale.
Funny word, “accept,” or maybe just the wrong one. I feel anything but accepting. I feel resigned. I feel broken.
I feel crushed by responsibility.
Don’t try this at home kids, I’m a professional. I’m of course referring to self-pity.
If I was more ambitious we’d have more income. If I wasn’t sick we wouldn’t have so many expenses. If I was more disciplined we wouldn’t have quite as much crap we really don’t need.
Whatever the reason, we find ourselves in the same boat many others do, maybe even you.
For years our income sat still like a naughty child in time out. Expenses went up. A lot. A few of those expenses were discretionary, like my recent vacation, but many were not. Every year we went through the budget, cutting chunks here and there in order to tread water. Every year it got harder to find big chunks. This year they’ve been scattered, small, and most importantly: not enough.
So this weekend we met with the realtor. We signed some papers and sprinkled them with a few initials.
A sign goes up in the yard next week.
Everywhere I look inside I see other signs, the ones that spawn memories.
I’d sooner clip off a little toe than sell, but it’s the right move – the smart move. We have the plans drawn for the addition that will become our new home, after (if) we get our price.
Now I wonder, emotions torn.
How long?
A simple, “God loves you and so do we! Amen.”
Thanks for saying so, Kristin. It took me so many years to come to the realization that the life surrendered to Him is the only life of value in this life and the next.
Scott S. sounds like a good friend. He speaks the Truth.
If there’s anything I can do . . .
There was a time in my life that I thought much the way you express so eloquently above. I fought depression all the time and took medicines for years to little effect. Doing time in church was just that…doing time, and held little meaning for me.
Several years ago, fed up with the unfulfilled, indebted (arguably indentured to the banks) Sandy and I and her family decided to make changes in our lives to make it more meaningful, spiritual, and fulfilling. That led us to make a commitment to a life that put others beside ourselves and our son first.
Those living lives of servitude to this world, will find this nonsensical but it is important to know the truth that there are three things that are eternal: God, the Word of God, and the souls of men. Why is this important? It is the foundation of all belief. All else is transitory. Our bodies are merely containers for the eternal souls which God gave us to glorify Him.
When we turned our focus to the God of creation, of John 1:1, of John 3:16 of Psalms 37 & 91, we also renewed the spirit of our minds and put on the “new self”, the self of a life glorifying a loving God, who has given us immeasurably more than our own efforts could ever produce. Part of this, and another thing that will mean nothing to those trapped in the day to day drudgery & madness of this temporal existence, means believing in something besides what we see day to day in the flesh. All humans are created with God-consciousness contained in the soul. When we make a decision to serve God and believe in the One He Sent, Jesus Christ (in our hearts and not merely mental ascent) we become this new self I mentioned. This is the faith the size of a grain of mustard seed that we see in new believers. We see it in children and those lost on the path for a long time without the Light of World.
Forgive the aside but someone once asked the great theologian and author C.S. Lewis the most profound truth he knew and he replied, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for The Bible tells me so”. Like you, he struggled with getting God out of his mind and into his heart where God searches us to see where we are in our relationship with him. To we who believe, nothing is more important.
This is where we get past our natural selves and step with both feet into the realm of infinite joy (not always moment by moment happiness), peace in a life led by the Holy Spirit, and dedicated to working for the Kingdom of God. It’s hardly easy but produces wonderful fruit in our lives and for His Kingdom come.
My wife tells me often, “get over yourself, it’s not always about you” and she is right. If I am to reap the rewards in this life and the next, the only way to do it is to live for Him. It’s a path of life that leads to wonderful beauty, fulfillment, and the direction of the One whom He sent as The Light of the World. It is He that will pull you through to the other side of any trial, hardship, and grief you are facing.
My prayer for you is for healing, peace of mind, and surrender to Him, John.
I am here to pray, cajole, and mentor you toward this fulfillment God has for you and your family any time you wish.
Blessings to you and your family.