• When in life

    I was really excited this morning. I surfed the web for images and maps of campus. I gave Beth ten answers for every question she asked. Maybe one in ten were pertinent to the question. I found a picture of a room from the dorm she’ll be staying in at UF. Countless pictures of my dorm came to mind. There was so much excitement and nostalgia floating around it’s hard to imagine a better high.

    Some may think I’m an unhappy person but I hope Beth has even a fraction of my good fortune.

    Cheryl and Beth backed out the driveway and quickly disappeared. Cheryl will be back tomorrow, Beth next week. But it’s not hard to imagine this morning was a glimpse of the future… a future that’s sprinting to the present, where weeks become semesters and semesters become a new life.

    I hope we’ll be ready.

    Beth left with a grin, maybe even as excited as me. I hope she returns with a bigger one, with memories of her own and an itch to create a lot more.

  • The disappearance of John

    It’s been a while, eh?

    In terms of writing and this blog, I’m in a funny place. I know a lot of people who are sick, injured, or feeling the pain of life beating them down. I say “a lot,” but it’s not… exactly. Everything’s relative, right? But whether we’re talking raw numbers or just percentages, I’d like to be a voice of reassurance. I’d like to be strong, spouting words of inspiration capable of changing lives.

    Aim a bit high much?

    When other folks are down I don’t want to hitch my car to the train. I don’t want to be a “me too” every time someone faces adversity. Mostly, I don’t think I deserve the same attention. I don’t think my problems rise to the same level. I don’t want to devalue other people’s suffering with my little problems. I don’t want to be the little boy who cried woe.

    However, it occurs to me tonight – as I’m not sleeping – I’m doing neither. I’m not whining or inspiring. I start posts with a couple sentences and stop cold, my heart miles from my words. The Facebook app on my phone becomes an icon of guilt… the feed reader app a convenient victim of forgetfulness. Instead of talking or writing I’m disappearing. This can’t be healthy.

    So, what gives? This year has been a series of little things piling up and weighing me down, creating a little snowball in my mind that not only gets bigger but makes use of every berm or rut on its way downhill to avoid all obstacles. These little things shouldn’t amount to much, even taken together.

    A change at work.
    The almost inevitable distance that grows between former coworkers.
    A dislocated thumb.
    Unflattering stories in the news involving my employer.
    Cheryl taking a second job so necessaries don’t have to join discretionary spending.
    A political climate that mistakes anything resembling compassion for a compromise of “American Values.”
    A pesky problem with my neck.

    This stuff is so mundane I’d be bored if I were you.

    If Cheryl was awake she’d tell you the word pesky does not apply if I’m seeing a neurosurgeon later this morning, but I like the word. Pesky. Maybe it’s just the repressed Red Sox fan in me (Go Rays!).

    Whatever the reason friends, please forgive my absences. All evidence to the contrary, you’re rarely far from my thoughts.

  • Choices

    It’s raining today.

    I’m not running, popping an umbrella, or shielding my head to protect The Do. Sometimes I’m not just capable of adjusting to the rain, I enjoy it. Sometimes I walk a little slower. I figure I’m going to get wet either way, it’s only a question of degrees. So why trouble myself over water? Why let it ruin my day?

    Rain is rare enough here that walking through it can be a novelty.

    Today I slowed down, felt the fat drizzling drops pat my head and shoulders, and let my mind wander off to metaphors near and far.