• The surreal world

    Take a week and a half away from the office and things will be exactly the same – and eerily out of place all at once. Work for state government and come back from said absence to find that your barely broken-in, one year old PC has been replaced with a new flat panel model… and it may be time to schedule time with your local medical or religious professional.

    Either I’m suffering from acute, idiopathic hallucinations or something has run afoul of the natural order; but either way, I’ve got serious problems.

    You know what’s worst of all friends? I walked into my office, saw the flat panel, and was excited to see something with the word “Dell” printed on it.

    Dear Lord, forgive us our sins and deliver us from evil.

    (Do two Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and five hours work on the Mac at home; and all is forgiven my son.)

  • Being lawyered

    My humble suggestion for the evolving mother tongue:

    Lawyer: v. (slang) to answer a question or inquiry in a manner which suggests or implies an answer (in a lawyer/client relationship), but which also avoids responsibility for explicitly stating or advocating the implied response. syn: obfuscate. Similar to: being cagy, or maintaining “plausible deniability.”

    Used in a sentence: “I single handedly turned an hour and a half meeting with our attorneys into a three-hour word fest, because I got lawyered.”

  • The polite traffic jack-ass

    Cut someone off in traffic, poke your head out the window, smile and wave… what’s up with that?

    One: the gentleman was a vistor from New York City, understood my eye contact as a stipulation to yield, interpreted car lengths like we humans interpret dog years, and was thanking me for my generous nature.
    Two: the gentleman knew he had cut me off and was thanking me for not making his car more compact.
    Three: the gentleman was no gentleman at all, knew he had cut me off, and was rubbing salt in the wound.

    You must decide.
    (Not really.)