• Beast of burden

    Friends, today I wish to speak to you about unreasonable requests. I was speaking to my wife on the phone this morning about allergy skin testing, when I decided to change the subject.

    “Cheryl, I need to get going. I’m about to leave work early today… in about 10 minutes. I wanted to try and get the raking done before this weekend, and I’ve got that extra time built up from court running long this week. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to get some stuff done at home.”

    “Oh, that sounds good. After you get done with that why don’t you….”

    As the immortal Dicky V. might say, “I need a T.O. baby!”

    As far as I’m concerned raking is the Everest of yard work details. There is no “after” you get done with raking, unless you’re talking about a little horizontal time with your favorite pillow. The problem we have here is that one of us is a little out of touch, and John’s got just thing to put us back in perceptive sync.

    I think it’s high time my wife did a little raking.

  • A fresh bout of insomnia

    As it stands right now, as of this very moment, I could conceivably get five hours of sleep tonight. But that’s not gonna happen. I’ve got about as much chance going to sleep right now as I’ve got going outside and getting a sunburn. It’s a pity. I was just starting to hit my stride again. Now I’ll be lucky to make it through lunch fully conscious. It stands to reason that as soon as I got over my 336 hour flu that I’d find something else to muddle my mind. I’m just going to have to face it – I had it coming. No use whining about it now.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell you something you haven’t heard already… right?

  • Hanging on a wall near you

    There are a couple of important things you need to know about a candleholder I hung on the wall for Cheryl.

    1. It is made of glass, but is quite solid.
    2. It is boxy, and sticks out from the wall.
    3. It has edges – not exactly sharp – but kind of like the pointy edge of a cube.
    4. It is hung near the corner two joining walls that stick out into our room, on a path frequently traveled (to the master bathroom).
    5. It is hung right at my eye level, just above my line of site when I am walking (I typically look slightly down as I walk).
    6. It has a mirrored surface.
    7. It is positioned such that when I walk past (usually in uncomfortably close proximity) I see the lamp in our room shining in my face just as I walk past.

    Thus I am reminded every time I go to the bathroom that I picked a terrible place to hang that dang thing. Every time I walk past I am forced to think, “I’m no Bobby Vila,” or in the alternative, “I’m going to have a hard to explain bruise one day.”