• I am the very model of a modern major league punch-line

    The owner of our beleaguered little baseball team has more than his fair share of bad press. Whether or not it is deserved is for others to decide. I’m interested in the press release the team recently made available, after Vince was accused of throwing a tantrum in front of a group of fans. A team spokesman reported that the Rays had conducted their own internal investigation, and determined that Mr. Naimoli had done nothing wrong. Here’s an excerpt from that internal report,

    DISCLAIMER: A real excerpt of the actual text of the report does not follow. I’ve wholly invented my own version for the expressed purpose of entertaining myself. I am, after all, my own most loyal fan.

    “Mr. Naimoli is a kind, loving, easygoing, and charitable man. The very idea that he would yell at a fan is unfathomable. Our own, hand picked, witnesses to the alleged “incident” concur that the gentleman that signs our paychecks is guilty of no wrong doing. We understand that misunderstandings will occasionally happen, and this organization is willing to forgive and forget. We therefore hope that the confused fans in question will continue to purchase full price tickets to our home games this season.”

  • When cleaner isn’t better

    There are some circles where this is generally not true (there’s a circle around my house, for example). However, there are a few narrowly defined areas where cleaning – especially with commercially available solvents – is taboo. I’ve heard that there are families where the unwashed spaghetti sauce pot is an heirloom, passed from generation to unwashed generation. What I want to know is if the same can hold true for a coffee mug? The way I see it, an office coffee mug is barely worth it’s weight in Cascade if you can’t determine it’s age like an old tree.

  • Any club that would have me as a member,

    In what may be a first for Kauffman kind, I am concerned about something working exactly as it should. I approached my desktop representative from the twin evil empires (Dell and Microsoft) with my accustomed trepidation. Yet for all my caution, I entered a seemingly random string of characters for my login password. I think I’ve discussed the rhythm method of typing before, haven’t I? Well this morning I haphazardly placed my fingers in the keyboard and fired away in a decidedly decaffeinated manner. I might as well have hung my keyboard on the wall, closed my eyes, and thrown darts at it. The one part of the performance that felt right was the “enter” key at the end. Yet despite my muddled mind I somehow managed to login successfully.

    Could this be the kind of day where things just fall into place, despite my efforts? Aren’t those the best?