• Meanwhile, back in the office…

    On Monday I made my return to the office, after an almost week-long absence. Believe it or not, it was nice to go back to work. I’m glad I had four days to be with Cheryl. I think the time we spent mostly alone and at home was therapeutic. What’s more, I don’t feel I’ve ever been closer to my wonderful bride of seven years (and good friend for darn near fourteen). Just the same, it was nice to be busy. As some would attest, I can get rather involved with a task once I dive in. Once I buy into the job, my attention focuses 100%, leaving nothing left over for other things I’d rather not think about. Monday was just such a day. On a sad note, I said what may be a final farewell to someone I’ve enjoyed working with for the last several years. I’m certain that I’ve not made nearly the impact in reverse, which makes me feel all the worse for opportunities that are lost to the passing of time. Sometime the rate of people leaving my life will at least slow down a little. Sometime I’ll figure out how to be a better friend – hell, a friend period – and people won’t disappear from my life just because they aren’t so close geographically.

  • A bad start.

    Any one that tells you that life is nothing but peaches and cream is lying. You can be cruising at ten thousand feet one day and crashing into the prairie the next. This week was not a crash, but we weren’t flying high either. It began with pain. Cheryl was not feeling particularly well, and she decided it was bad enough to call her doctor. He didn’t think that a trip to the emergency room was warranted, but he wanted to see her the next morning to take a look. Cheryl was concerned, but I was trying to be the optimist in the family. I did half a day in court the next morning and accompanied her to the doctor afterwards. The nurse brought us right back and performed an ultrasound to see how the baby was doing. My untrained eye caught the problem immediately on the monitor: there was no baby. After the initial shock of not seeing what I so desperately wanted to see, the doctor spoke to us and confirmed what I had guessed. There were reasons to be optimistic for the future, it’s just that this future would not be as near as we had thought. We went home and I decided that I did not feel like working, so I didn’t go back. We didn’t feel like moping around the house either, so we went to a movie. I should have known that the movie of choice would not do Cheryl any good. We went to see Road to Perdition. I know Cheryl does not like dramas, and unhappy endings are worse. As predicted, the movie left a dark impression on Cheryl’s already gloomy soul. After picking up Beth and going through the standard weekday routine that evening and the following morning, we went to the hospital to bring this disappointing chapter in our lives to a close. A ten minute procedure kept us at the hospital for hours, and then we were done. Oh, if only that were really true.

  • Recovery.

    It has been a long week, but I think things are starting to look up. Cheryl was out of work through Tuesday. For all of you out there not reading this, Cheryl says she is fine, but quite bored. Rest and relaxation is not Cheryl’s thing. As for myself? I can say the initial shock and disappointment has started to fade. On Monday I removed that plant that Cheryl sent announcing our second child from my office. I just couldn’t stand to look at it all day, a constant reminder of our loss. I’m also starting to feel a little funny about sharing the news with others. I can’t escape the feeling that I’m being selfish, presuming that it is o.k. to relieve my grief by sharing it with others, even when it causes that same grief in others. However, my hesitancy to share the news has had unwanted and unintended consequences. Friends I’ve not shared the news with find out from someone else, and I sense a little disappointment that I didn’t share it with them personally. So you see, I’m in quite the pickle.