The beginning of the end of my uncertainty is slated for May 4th. That’s my first appointment with the Hematologist/Oncologist – and it’s when I begin the process of verifying the Leukemia diagnosis. I’ve been told I should expect a bone marrow biopsy. That’s where they take a long, thick, hollow needle and drive it into your pelvis – to extract some of the spongy marrow from the middle of the bone.

I wonder how much leverage it requires to drive a needle into a bone. Is it a two handed operation? Is an open palm utilized? Does it require more than one qualified health services provider? Do they use a mallet, or a similar hammer like tool?

Good stuff, eh?

The more I learn about my unconfirmed disease, the more I think I may have been sick for some time. I’ve been really tired for a long time, and sick quite a bit… both signs of the suspected flavor of Leukemia floating around in my blood. In a sick kind of way, it’s a kind of vindication. All of those times I told Cheryl she had no idea how tired I was… all those times she gave me that “I birthed two of your children, so don’t talk to me about tired” look… suddenly I’ve got something approaching equal footing.

Hooray for me!

Have you had one of those moments in your life when you felt you had rounded a corner, and you suspected you’d never see the other side again? I saw my doctor this week – Wednesday in fact – and she told me she thought I might have Leukemia.

“But my cholesterol is o.k., right?”

I was in to discuss the results of a routine blood test – part of my routine maintenance program. I had spent the better part of two weeks worrying about my cholesterol. I was sure it was going to be bad. It (the cholesterol) wasn’t.

My doctor spent five minutes talking about neutrophils, monocytes, red blood cells, and platelets. I was sitting there, stupidly thinking about my diet.

It just wasn’t real. It still isn’t real. Sure, I feel tired… but I don’t feel like I have Leukemia. At least, I don’t think I do.

Well fuck me.