Today was the day I told everyone at work about the cancer. My days of tip-toeing in and out of the office when I’m not feeling well are at an end. I don’t have to feel compelled to lie when I’m asked how I’m doing any more.
And yet, I feel terrible. I found myself walking from office to office trailing sadness and depression in my wake. I told myself it wasn’t my fault; that it’s not anyone’s fault when they’re sick. Apparently I don’t listen very well… not when I’m doing the talking anyway.
I felt like I was in a race: trying to tell everyone before they heard it from somewhere else. I felt horrible for telling one person in particular on the phone. I was hoping to do the telling so I could answer all the questions, but telling someone on the phone? On their lunch break? I’ll bet it was quite a break.
One way or another, for better or worse, I’m done telling. If you’re a glutton for punishment (and if you’re a regular reader than you must be), there are a few entries I had previously marked as “private,” under the category “Cancer.”
**Note: Clicking the word “Cancer” next to “Posted in” under this entry will pull up a list of all blog posts on WordPress.com with the tag “Cancer.” In order to see a list with just my entries, select “Cancer” on the “Categories” sidebar (from the drop-down menu), on the right hand side of this page.