The new doctor
The effect was fleeting but appreciated. I finally made an appointment to see a new oncologist and she was really nice.
I’m always nervous about seeing a new doctor. They play an important role in life and I’m afraid of getting one I don’t like or trust. The logical thing to do when this happens is switch, but I usually don’t – not for a while anyway. In fact I’ve only switched doctors voluntarily once. Hate is a strong word, so I’ll say I REALLY didn’t like one guy… but I still stuck with him for several years. I’m sure it has something to do with the relative trust in the devil you know versus the one you don’t, not that all my doctors are Satan’s spawn, but my facility for logic is easily lost in the face of fear.
I should say that I really like most of my doctors, and not just because I trust their professional judgement. I like them on a personal level. They’re kind, patient, and caring.
My oncologist was an exception. On some level I liked the guy, but at times he fit my stereotype for the highly educated/paid professional: he was a bit of an arrogant prick. Mind you, I’ll take a competent doctor, even if they have the personality of a sand spur. If it starts to affect my trust then I’d have a problem, but that wasn’t an issue with my old oncologist. Quite the contrary, I trusted him implicitly. I think it’s part of the reason I put off scheduling an appointment with a different doctor when the insurance issues started.
All of these concerns were put to rest this afternoon. I found another kind doctor, someone who seemed to know her stuff – and care about the person behind the symptoms.
I left the office feeling pretty good.
It wasn’t enough to crack depression’s hold for long. I found myself back in the emotional valley soon enough. But, I’ll still take all the good I can get.
Just in case there’s any question, there’s still no sign of cancer in my blood. My doctor’s are confident it’ll be gone for years, and even when it does come back it’ll be easy to treat. It’s not something I was worried about going in, or going forward. I’m odd this way: all worked up over which doctor handles my routine check-ups.
After a trip this month to the ER . . . I am trying out a new doctor for Crohn’s disease TODAY. I am a wreck about it. Same reasons . . . I had a doctor I loved for 15 years who saw me through every up and down of my illness . . . and when I moved here, I tried TWO, both of whom I loathed and didn’t trust (one started spouting he wanted me in “clinical trials” the minute he saw me). So for 2.5 years, I have had NO doctor. However, the ER trip illuminated that “perhaps” I need one. So we’ll see. I want one who will respect that this is MY body and MY illness and not want to pump me full of meds.
Hope the depression eases some . . . My significant other has depression and it’s a bear.