Love, your health insurance company

I like getting love letters from my health insurance company. They catch me off guard, but it’s nice to know someone is looking out for me.

A few weeks ago I got a letter asking about all of my other insurance carriers after I made a rather large claim. They said they wanted to make sure I could “maximize my coverage.” As they said, “We’re constantly looking for ways to deliver high quality, affordable care to our valued customers.”

Now isn’t that sweet? I could just reach out and give ’em a great big hug. I just can’t figure out how you give a corporation a hug, but if I figure it out I’ll be sure to let you know. I’m sure it’s eating you up inside too.

Then it dawned on me. They paid one hundred percent of the cost for this particular procedure. I’m not sure how you could maximize it any more from my perspective without sending me a check. Not that I’m against the whole check idea, I just don’t think it’s very likely – about as likely as you sending me a check.

You weren’t planning to send me a check, were you?

So I got to thinking. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That sounds unlikely, but it’s true I swear.

Does this mean it wasn’t a love letter?Was something more sinister was going on? Was this really a “cover our financial ass” letter, dressed up as “we’re looking out for you?”

Would a wrong answer turn the sweet nothings whispered in my ear into the grand piss-off?

“Tough shit kid, you’re on your own. Go talk to your x insurance. They’re the ones who really ought to be paying.”

Does this mean they don’t really love me, that they never really loved me?


  1. Good post, John. Really made me laugh.

    And, though I wasn’t planning on sending you a cheque, I think your chances of getting one from me are far better than from them. Asking about your other carriers, indeed! Harumph!

    1. Hah! I’m glad you liked it Coleen. I know I said “a few weeks ago,” but this post has actually been sitting in the notes app on my phone since late April. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in it.

      I came back to it this morning looking for something lighter to post, tweaked it a little here and there, and set it free.

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