Cheryl made a trip across the bay to visit the Tampa IKEA store a while ago. A visit with the Swedish retailer usually lasts a full day and this one fit the pattern.
Don’t you just love IKEA? Have you hugged a Swede today?
I stayed home and reacquainted myself with regret.
Inner John: Hey John, you remember regret don’t you?
Public John: Yeah, we go way back.
Inner John: Didn’t you two hook up back in fifth grade… something to do with a lesson in politics?
Public John: I lost.
Inner John: Didn’t everyone on your campaign staff vote for the other guy too?
Public John: I hear alcohol kills brain cells. YOU WANNA GO?!? LETS GO!
I spent the afternoon in a funk.
What’s wrong with me? I’m (allegedly) a dude. IKEA should be my blood adversary… Vader vs young Skywalker, Mac vs Microsoft, comma vs period. Instead of counting my lucky stars, pieces of the retail sky are falling awfully close to my peace of mind, threatening my fragile sense of wellbeing.
Maybe I’m overstating the remorse a bit….
A friend of mine at work would say I should be required to turn in my “man card.” I would reply: “I don’t think I was ever issued one, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t missed much.”
Anyway, now you know the set up. I’ll wager you’re so close to the edge of your seat you’d fall off with the slightest breeze or release of gas.
Cheryl came home with a shoe rack… for me!
I’ll give you a moment to pick yourself up off the floor. Lying sprawled down there is unseemly for a person of your station.
This is uncharted territory (for me). Not only is this my first shoe rack, it’s the first time I’ve ever considered the concept of order on my side of the closet. The only evidence of organization is two relatively neat piles: one for tee-shirts I haven’t worn in five (plus) years, and one for my hat collection.
If not for the physical laws of this universe, shirts and hats would live in harmony. It turns out it’s damn near impossible to make a single, narrow, free-standing pile of shirts and hats more than four feet tall.
It’s a shame, I know.
Otherwise, space is used on a first come, first served basis. It’s an under appreciated system. Stuff you use often tends to stay on top or towards the front where its easily found, while older, less desirable stuff goes into a kind of default storage.
But now, sweet Lord above, I’ve gotta find a place for a shoe rack. The system is lost, I tells ya!
Where once there was sweet chaos there’s a little bit of order.
You want some order?!?
No, not really.
YOU WANT SOME ORDER?!?
I said no. You don’t have to yell.
YOU CAN’T HANDLE SOME ORDER!
Sadly, I think you may be right.
I should’ve gone to IKEA and picked out my own little treat.
And so we come full circle.