• Generally, I hate fishing

    I think the main reason I make a lousy southerner is my pure hatred for fishing. The only worse sin MIGHT be indifference to NASCAR – but auto racing is not my metaphor du jour.

    What good reason is there for fishing anyway? You sit there for hours casting a line in the water and reeling it back in – like some kind of failed stimulus-response experiment. Hell, even mice stop pressing the cheese button if they don’t get… well… cheese. But fishermen? They’ll toss that line with the loving care of virtuoso pianist… like the cast is sufficient ends in and of itself. You know what? Every now and again some fishermen actually catch fish. Imagine that!

    By now everyone with a radio or a television has heard the name Gonzales more often than you hear “Sweet Jesus” on a fishing show. For a couple weeks now there have been a lot of Republicans who think this is much ado about nothing. “Heck, no one’s saying any laws were broken, right?” Ah, hold that thought.

    Monica Goodling, an aide to Alberto Gonzales, has refused to testify in front of a Senate hearing – citing her fifth amendment right to protect herself from incriminating remarks. Republicans were right… no one was talking seriously about any laws being broken in connection with the U.S. Attorney firing scandal… until now.

    Do you suppose this qualifies as smoke, and if so, what do you suppose is burning?

  • Say it ain’t so Joe!

    I was standing in line at Starbucks waiting for a little pick-me-up, in the form of a Grande, Java Chip Frappuccino. I haven’t been drinking much coffee lately, but I was hoping a little iced coffee would juice me through an end-of-the-day grocery run at the Super Target.

    I was listening in on a little cross-counter banter, when the green apron clad Javameister said something he shouldn’t: “I don’t drink coffee myself.”

    Now I’ve heard it all. What’s next? Will Wild Bill Ford tell us he drives a Toyota (ay Corolla!)?

    If I reveal this scandal to the head office in Seattle, do you think I’ll be rewarded for my trouble, or will I be banned for life (my driver’s license photo distributed to every store nation wide for posting behind the register)?

  • Failure of a frightfully familiar kind

    Two – 2 – mornings in a row, I put a pot of water on the stove, prepared my grinds and all the fixings, and waited patiently for the water to boil… and waited… and waited…

    These past two mornings it’s taken me an average of six minutes to determine that the stove was off.

    I’m pleased to say that I’m comfortable with my failings. Why else would I be sharing this with you? In fact, morning coffee isn’t the half of it. I’ve been known to leave wet clothes in the dryer for days (and you can be sure they’re worse for the wear). It’s really kind of frustrating, when I think about it.

    It’s best then that I don’t.