• A pretty good fit

    The weather matches my state of mind precisely; fog. Looks like I picked a heck of a day to start riding my bike to work again. The important thing is that I got here in one piece. The gimpy ankle stood up to the test, but then there’s not much lateral movement on a bike (not if you do it right anyway). Now if I could just piece together a few coherent thoughts I’ll be just peachy.

    Do you know what would be just the thing right now? How about a 200mg hit of America’s Favorite Stimulant? Ah, but you see, I knew this time would come. Two weeks ago I cleaned out my office, discarding my wonder bottle of Walgreens caffeine supplements. All I’ve got now is a carafe of decaf ice tea. No offense to you tea lovers out there, but that thing is looking pretty useless to me right now. Oh for Sweet Pete’s sake, I don’t even have change for the snack machine!

    “I damn thee to the deepest pits of hell, diet!”

  • A glass is half full moment

    Eating healthy food is way easier when you’re hungry. This is perhaps the best thing about the starvation diet. All that green stuff in the grocery store; you know, that strange corner of my Publix behind the frozen pizza, where they keep that stuff that kind of looks like the things that grow instead of grass in my yard, it turns out that under some circumstances it actually tastes good.

    Wait a minute? Did someone say pizza? HOLY MOTHER OF JENNY CRAIG, BATMAN! SOMEONE LEFT GLAZED DOUGHNUTS IN THE BREAK ROOM AGAIN!

    Quick, someone get me some spinach leaves and some “lite” raspberry vinaigrette dressing – STAT!

  • Taking a diet too far

    The hardest part about this diet thing is giving up caffeine.

    “Caffeine? What does caffeine have to do with a nutritionally balanced diet?”

    Nothing really, I guess, I’ve just decided that if I’m going to eat healthy I might as well throw out the baby with the bath water.

    “That’s crazy talk man. You’re not Catholic, and it’s not even lent for cripes’ sake.”

    True enough, but to be perfectly honest I haven’t given it up altogether. I’m just not consuming it at work.

    “That’s even worse. Now I know you’ve gone ’round the bend. Work is the MOST important place to have caffeine. If you don’t use it at work, where the hell would you have it?”

    Once again, you’re right. However, consider that if work is the most important place to have caffeine, it is also the place you would most likely abuse it. Nervous tremors will only take you so far in business, at some point you’ve got to be able to sit still at work, and that’s hard to do when you’re hopped up on a caffeine rush.

    “What about Starbucks? You’re not giving them up too are you?”

    That’s crazy talk man. There’s always room for Starbucks.