• Fear + ignorance = high ratings.

    “IS YOUR CHILD VULNERABLE TO THE DEADLY FLU EPIDEMIC RAGING ACROSS THE COUNTRY? TUNE IN TONIGHT FOR A TEAM 10 INVESTIGATION!”

    “DEATH AT THE MALLS! AN EIGHT IS BIGGER THAN SEVEN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT, TONIGHT AT 11!”

    “DO YOU HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF FALLING ASLEEP AT WORK? IF SO, YOU MAY BE LIKE MILLIONS OF AMERICANS WHO SUFFER FROM A DEADLY NEW DISEASE THAT HAS HEALTH CARE OFFICIALS STUMPED. FIND OUT TONIGHT AT 11, ON A SIMPLE MINDED SEVEN REPORT THAT YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO MISS!”

    I HATE the local news broadcasts. No, HATE is not too strong a word.

  • A curtain drawn on cognition.

    A low wattage cold. One dose of cold medication. A recipe for relaxation in the chemical age.

    I just hope the cold doesn’t get worse. That’d put a damper on my trip, man.

  • Who says you can’t learn anything from TV?

    Beth has really learned the value of money. If TV has taught her nothing else, it has shown her just how far $19.95 will go.

    Many of her contemporaries plead with their parents to “just write a check” or “just go to the ATM machine”. Not our Beth. When we tell her we don’t have enough money for something, she tells us to “just put it on your credit card.”