Every morning I make oatmeal for myself at work. Every morning I mix the appropriate amount of water and oats and nuke it for 60 seconds. Unlike most mornings, THIS morning the nuker was angry. REALLY angry.

The ‘ole nuker didn’t run for more than the accustomed 60 seconds, that I would have noticed. I always run it on full power, so it couldn’t have been running too strong. I can’t figure it out. Maybe I should explain, my oatmeal exploded.

Oatmeal isn’t normally known for its combustibility. The FBI doesn’t check up on people buying large quantities of Quaker products, though you would have to wonder what anyone would do with a truckload of oatmeal. In fact, oatmeal is probably good for you because it is so bland. So why did I find my boring cup of whole grains coating the inside of the nuker like a Peptol-Bismol commercial?

I come from curious stock, so naturally I had to get down to the bottom of this phenomenon; dubbed “exploding oats.” I tried cooking it too long, with too much water, with too little water, too long with too much water, too long with too little water, but nothing replicated my earlier results.

What I have done is replicate the conditions for the allure of an “intelligent design” like explanation (re: creationism v. evolution). I am therefore confident in concluding that the microwave was angry. When in doubt, take the easy way out.