After yesterday afternoon’s pilot episode of “Beth gets shot” I was expecting to have an epic tale of medical adventure to tell. Alas dear reader, all went well. On the ride over I broke the news… she was starting allergy shots. As expected, it went over like a helium filled cement truck (it might be a little lighter on its feet but it still don’t fly). I nipped the near hysteria in the bud with a barrage of facts, logic and anecdotes.

“It’s the smallest needle I’ve ever seen.”

“They don’t have to find a vein or anything.”

“The back of your arm isn’t really sensitive, is it?”

“Smaller needle + shallow entry + relatively low sensitivity = less pain.”

“Far and away the best shot I’ve ever had.”

Beth didn’t ask any questions. We walked in, signed in, and waited. We were called back for our shots, Beth whimpered a little, and they stuck her. There was no hysterics. There were no restraints involved. We didn’t have to chase her down in the parking lot.

Piece of cake.

Have you ever seen a scene in a movie like this? Bad guy number 1 is holding down a good guy from behind, while bad guy number two is slowly approaching with a glowing hot poker (or some other glowing hot instrument at the end of a long handle). If the good guy is not a “tough guy,” the scene usually involves some violent struggling (to get free) as B.G. 2 gets close.

A strikingly similar scene plays out every time my daughter needs a shot (or blood drawn). This is why I think allergy shots for Beth will be a spectacularly bad idea. How would you like to play the role of “bad guy number one” every week? A number of health care professionals (several of which specialized in children) have reassured us by saying: “lots of kids… (fill in the blank), but they come around.” The funny thing is: many of them only say it once. Why could that be?

I wonder what Beth would choose, if she were given the choice? Sure, her nose runs and itches a little… but I’ll bet she’d pick that (pun intended) over a weekly interrogation scene (without the questions) at the allergist’s office.

I’m debating what to tell my daughter when the inevitable question comes up: “is this going to hurt?” Being a needle wimp myself, as well as a father that likes to be honest whenever possible, I can’t just say “no.” Then again I’m not sure I can be completely honest…. “Well Beth, that depends on which nurse you get. If you get (censored) it feels kind of like she’s using a needle meant for a sperm whale; but even that wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t feel like she was having a seizure right in the middle of giving you the injection. Otherwise, with everyone else it just feels like a little pinch.”

All of these questions and more will be answered this afternoon, one way or another. Goody for me.