• Missing information

    I offer this information freely, as a public service to all of you Starbucks patrons out there. You know those dark chocolate covered espresso beans they sell? Well, them beans ain’t decaffeinated my friend. Picture my surprise when I find myself, post Pringles moment (or is that Ruffles that you can’t eat just one?), and half a box later, flying like a strung out kite. That’ll teach me to eat sweets right before bedtime.

    Cheryl made me get better aquainted with the couch that night, of that you can be sure. You try sucking on two cups of espresso beans and lying still.

  • Come again?

    It will have been said, ad nausem, at this point, but we like kicking ’em when they’re down up here in the cheap seats. We would just like to say that no matter how much practical experience a candidate for the supreme court has, calling a man who can’t pronounce half the words in a pocket dictionary (even with the phonetic spelling) a brilliant man, nay, “the most brilliant man I’ve ever met;” that pretty much has to disqualify you for the job right there.

    Just who the hell is this person hanging out with? Heck, even if she’s spent half of her adult life walking the Bush family dogs, surely she’s met a Bushie with a little more horsepower under the skull than Georgie. Take my Governor (please?).

  • The cacophony of everyday life

    There’s a good reason why my fingers have not been fleet this week: I was abducted by a rogue branch of the R.N.C. and forced to watch a loop of W’s stump speeches from his ’94 gubernatorial campaign in Texas.

    Well no, not really; but I was pretty busy. Anyone who relies on federal money for their livelihood knows that September marks the end of the federal reporting year. Hoo wee, that’s the makins’ for some good times.

    We’ve now established that I’m the guy in the office that’s never seen a cup of coffee that was too cold to hold, or too old to, crap, one word short of a perfectly good rhyme, drink.

    “John, how can you drink that stuff?”

    “What, it was made in the morning right?”

    “Yeah, like, Friday morning.”

    And then the phone rang. I didn’t answer in time, but thankfully the caller left a message. It was a friend from high school that I hadn’t seen in a few years. It was the perfect time to hear from an old friend; something to yank me from my fevered working haze. It just goes to show you that life does throw you curves, but they don’t always come in high and tight, sending you sprawling to the dirt.