• Recipe for a haircut

    Having a wife with a longer memory, greater follow-through, and a stronger will, puts a husband at a severe disadvantage.

    Consider the issue of outward appearance. My philosophy on hair care can best be described as Laissez-faire. This approach just happens to be in direct conflict to Cheryl’s approach. Then there’s the issue of pride. I have very little and Cheryl has a more generous portion. So when it comes time for a haircut, Cheryl’s word tends to be the law. Well, for the last seven years or so, this hasn’t been a big problem. We had a hair “guy,” and she would just give me a monthly call at work and say, “you’ve got an appointment after work today. I’ll see you afterwards.” Mostly, this worked for both of us. Now our “guy” is retired. No replacement for our “guy” has been negotiated. Now Cheryl’s comfort zone has been corralled. Now we’re thrust back into the dark ages; a time of grueling hair care negotiations.

    “John, I think you need a haircut.”

    A week passes.

    “John, you better get your haircut.”

    A week passes.

    “John, I don’t want you to go out like that any longer.”

    A day passes.

    “John, it’s today or tomorrow.”

    A few hours pass.

    “I’ll see you after your haircut this evening.”

    A few pleading replies pass.

    “It’s either you go after work or I wake you up early tomorrow morning.”

    Now that’s playing dirty.

  • The root of all evil

    Well folks, the office water cooler chit chat round these parts has uncovered the root cause of all problems with politics in this country: too many layers of clothing.

    Forget about olive branches, “reaching across the isle”, faux civility, and honest debate on the issues via sound byte. What we really want to see in Washington is a Capital Dress Down Day. If they want to connect with me on a personal level they should spend a day walking my shoes – or at least the same brand and style. Wouldn’t you take the folks in Washington more seriously if they didn’t take themselves so damn seriously? Picture a clip on the evening news where the Senate Majority Leader is addressing his charge on a serious matter, wearing a t-shirt and flip flops. If all those Washington newbies were serious about setting a new tone in Washington then maybe they should try something truly bold – banning all neckwear. That’s right, no more Italian silk ties for you mister speaker!

    I’m not quite the fool you take me for. Casual clothing won’t solve all of our problems in Washington. Politicians would likely remain stuffed shirts, but without all those layers of clothing we’ll at least be able to see what those shirts are stuffed with. Brings a whole new meaning to “open government,” don’t it?

    Thousands of years from now, when future societies try to understand the 21st century version of mankind, will they wonder why early men had such an obsession with slowly strangling to death? Will they wonder why superfluous, ornamental layers of clothing persisted in our culture for so long? Will they see the necktie as an instrument of submission, and conclude that our culture was really a matriarchy?

  • Returning to the fray

    Two weeks is enough. I think my self imposed mourning period is about over. I don’t want to shock the system, so I’m taking it slow. On Tuesday I watched a documentary on the Middle East. On Wednesday I read the paper. This morning I listened to NPR. Tomorrow I’ll try to put the pieces of my routine together, reading the paper, listening to NPR AND checking up on the world news on the internet.

    I’ve been trying to tell myself that things haven’t changed much in two weeks, other than the tone and substance of TV advertising.

    Like everything else in life, you take the good with the bad.

    And hey, look at the bright side. Maybe by 2008 there will be a whole new constitutional landscape and we can elect the Terminator! In typical inept fashion, I could foresee the Democratic Party trying to out-do the Republicans at their own game by nominating Lou Ferrigno, pandering to the fringe of the party by proposing an amendment granting equal rights to all members of the Sub-phylum Vertebrata (Phylum Chordata, Kingdom Animalia), and by holding voter registration drives at wildlife preserves all across the nation.